Gardeners' Sexist Time: Mr. Macgregor

Mr. Macgregor by Alan Titchmarsh

Pocket Books

Pp. 341

English gardener, broadcaster, TV presenter, poet and journalist, Alan Titchmarsh, has written a novel. Sticking to the advice of ‘write what you know’, he has set it in the glamorous world of TV gardening shows, and the stereotypical gender roles of the 1980s. Apparently gardeners are sexy these days and a valued staple of any TV station’s talent. From the lights of the studio to the marquees of the Chelsea Flower Show, it’s full of bitchy gay presenters, man-eating female news reporters and division of women into the categories of young, attractive and nubile or old, fat and ugly. There are plenty of adjectives, and a couple of jokes, but none of them are original. According to a quote on the jacket, Jilly Cooper found it ‘absolutely charming... made me understand a lot more about men.’ I sincerely hope not.

Rob MacGregor becomes TV’s latest sex symbol, which alienates quite a few people, including the expert he replaces and his girlfriend, an investigative journalist. We don’t learn a lot about her. Women are invariably described by their appearance and how it fits the male gaze. “Miss Menopause. No one’s ever seen her legs. Greenhouse expert at that difficult time of life.” “Hair the colour of marmalade and the face of a Welsh cob.” “Monstrous limbs he gazed upon now, which made the Michelin man look anorexic.” The socially-acceptable attractive women don’t fare any better, and pretending to be writing from the character’s point of view does not excuse the crude and leering sexism, not least because we learn way more about a character’s appearance than their actual character. “The neatly tailored matching jacket was open wide enough for Frank’s all-invading eyes to notice that underneath her ribbed turtle-necked sweater was a perfect pair of breasts.”

Class distinctions are also broad and satirised at the most basic level. Roofing contractors obviously have “an East London accent, with more than a hint of the cowboy about it”. The cheerful cleaning lady drops her aitches as she muddles her metaphors. The speech of these characters is rendered phonetically, while all other accents are unremarked upon.

Everything is as expected and the plot is totally predictable. Reviewers on Goodreads have described it as a light and comfortable holiday book in which very little happens. Add twee and sexist to the description and that just about sums it up.

Friday Five: Books Read in March

 

1. The Invisible Bridge by Julie Orrigner: Spanning several years (and 600 pages), this is an epic historical novel in the style of Dr Zhivago traversing Europe from grand opera houses to forced labour camps and many things in between. Andras Lévi is a Hungarian architect student who travels to Paris on a scholarship in 1937. Clearly things are going to go rapidly downhill for him, his friends and his family in great (sometimes excessive) detail. There is romance and passion beneath the politics and, as many of the characters are involved in the theatre scene, it sometimes feels staged and melodramatic.
2. Mr. Macgregor by Alan Titchmarsh: Yes, 'that' Alan Titchmarsh (English gardener, broadcaster, TV presenter, poet and novelist). Apparently gardeners are sexy these days and a valued staple of any TV station's talent. From the lights of the studio to the marquees of the Chelsea Flower Show, it's full of 1980s stereotypes including cowboy builders, bitchy gay presenters, man-eating female news reporters and division of women into the categories of young, attractive and nubile or old, fat and ugly. There are plenty of adjectives, and a couple of jokes, but none of them are original. According to a quote on the jacket, Jilly Cooper found it 'absolutely charming... made me understand a lot more about men.' I sincerely hope not.
3. We, the Survivors by Tash Aw: We know from the beginning of the novel that the narrator has killed someone, but we are not sure who and why; all that is apparent is that he doesn't seem to show any remorse. As he tells his tale to a journalist, the Albert Camus-like nihilism gives way to a raging sense of injustice about the casual and heartless treatment of illegal immigrants. The author sets the novel in Malaysia, where, through evocative prose the 'other' is made empathetic and the economic consequences become humanitarian ones. The burgeoning sentiment of connection to the land is at odds with the capitalist ethos of exploitation of natural resources and cheap labour. Language is important in the war against dehumanisation, and Tash Aw uses words with a surgeon's precision. 
4. Think Again by Adam Grant: Examining the power of knowing what you don't know (which is also the subtitle of the book), organisational psychologist Adam Grant weaves research and anecdote together to help us exercise our curiosity. The world is a little short of understanding and tolerance right now, where people take up a position on a subject and refuse to budge, scared they may be accused of betraying their ideals or losing face, when really they are adapting their position based on new knowledge. It's interesting to reframe our thoughts by highlighting our similarities before our differences and allowing mental flexibility to triumph over rigid resistance.  
5. The Cat and the City by Nick Bradley: This month's Family Book Club choice was by Scary Sis, and it proved quite a hit with the group. The collection of short stories are loosely connected by a calico cat which wanders both through the pages of the book and also through the streets of Tokyo, communicating with factory workers, tattoo artists, homeless people, jilted lovers, taxi drivers and agoraphobic gamers, among others. Including photographs, manga, footnotes, haiku and a work in translation, the styles are different and engaging throughout, each snapshot working together to create a wonderfully evocative image of the culture and flavour of this busy Japanese city.