Friday Five: Charades

On my recent trip to South Australia with my family, we entertained ourselves in the evenings with rudimentary games of charades. Each person would put five suggestions into the special vessel and we took it in turns to act them out. 

Nephew Aidan and Niece Niamh enjoyed the game so much that they extended it by pretending not to guess the title of the film/ book/ song and so forcing the poor actor to suffer endlessly through the interpretation. It was a lot of fun, and apparently one of the highlights of the holiday.

5 Titles of charades acted out on our holiday:

1. The Curse of the Were-Rabbit 
2. The Mystery of Cherry Tree Lane
3. Far for the Madding Crowd
4. How to Betray a Dragon's Hero
5. There is a Light that Never Goes Out (as demonstrated by Hoggy, above)

Friday Five: Wineries

Yes, of course we did other things in South Australia, but we did visit several wineries - well, you've got to, haven't you?

5 Wineries in South Australia:

1. Jacob's Creek - A big flash building with its own visitors' centre and a number of different tours to cater for all budgets and tastes. We went self-guided. My favourite was the Steingarten Reisling ($48), while Hoggy's was the Centenary Hill Shiraz ($70). Yes, I know; champagne taste on a beer budget...




2. Chateau Tanunda - a lovely chap hosted our tasting, augmented with many recommendations of places to go and things to eat! I tried the Reisling, Chardonnay and blended white; Hoggy got stuck into the Shiraz.




3. Reilly's - located in Mintaro in the Clare Valley; a lovely little village featuring a collection of old stone buildings. I tasted my way through a line-up of delicious Reislings, including a sparkling variety.




4. Pike's River - Good Reislings and an excellent cab sav, but not the best presentation. Renovations are currently underway, so it could well improve.




5. Sevenhill - Sticking to whites, I tried the Reisling, Chardonnay and a fabulous fortified Verdhelo. This was the first winery in the Clare Valley, established by Jesuit monks from Austria in 1851, and it has a very picturesque setting and an underground cellar.

Friday Five: Let's Go Die

That scene from The Shining

When Hoggy and his family were here for Christmas, he decided a nice festive family activity would be to watch The Shining – don’t worry; the kids had gone to bed. I’d never seen it before, and he encouraged turning off the lights and jumping at all the scary bits.

Then, when I’d finally calmed down enough to go to bed, he poked his head round the door with a “Heeere’s Johnny!” impersonation that made me scream and him giggle. We may be in our forties, but it seems that four year age-gap will always make me the eminently teaseable little sister.

Now, every time I watch a horror film (and it’s really not that often), I find myself thinking that some of these people who get themselves into spooky situations are pretty stupid – I mean, haven’t they ever watched any of the genre themselves? If not, I thought I would put together a handy cheat-sheet for them so they know what not to do, if ever they find themselves in that scenario.

5 Ways to Avoid Being in a Real-Life Horror:

1. If the big old house/hotel looks spooky, don’t buy it/stay in it, especially if it is near a lake/ impenetrable forest/ old fairground/ prison/ scared site/ burial ground… in fact, just stay away from the spooky house altogether, okay?
2. Under no circumstances enter the basement/ attic (don’t even get me started on caves/ tunnels/ dark alleyways/ walk-in freezers). If you really truly must, make sure you take a torch and a back-up torch and several spare sets of batteries. The only excuse for candles is if you live in pre-Victorian times and light bulbs haven’t been invented yet. Then you’re just asking for it, really – your whole life is a horror film. And while we're on the subject, never ever split up. Hold hands if you have to – as long as you can still carry the torch. Don’t bother with the weapon; they’re futile.
3. Don’t have children – they may look innocent but they invariably turn out to be the devil incarnate. The cuter they are; the more likely this is to be the case. Long/ curly hair is a dead giveaway. If you absolutely insist on having children about the place, never give them talking toys or porcelain dolls, and always take their imaginary friends very seriously indeed.
4. Always check the back seat of the car/ behind the shower curtain, and if the window/ mirror steams up, always check behind you before you wipe it clear. Don’t bother with under the bed or in the cupboard – the scary dude is never there; that’s reserved for the dead body.
5. Don’t ever host/ attend a function that calls for people to wear masks. No exceptions. Talking of costumes, wear more clothes – it’s nearly always the bint in the tight white vest and the teeny tiny shorts who gets bumped off first. As a general rule, try not to be female at all. Most directors of horror films are men and they prefer to pick on vulnerable women; I guess they just scream better.

Are you sitting comfortably?

While the Borneo branch of the family has been staying with us, Hoggy has been reading The Jungle Book as a bedtime story to the children. I have been curling up with on the sofa-bed and listening too. Much as I love reading myself, there is a certain pleasure in hearing a story read by someone else.

Of course Hoggy is at pains to provide different voices for all the characters, but he does not wish to be overly influenced by the Disney film. Naturally, this is very difficult as it is an excellent film (and my favourite from the Walt Disney animation stable). Neverthlesess, Hoggy brings his own translation to the tale.

 Mowgli is a cheeky cockney character and the wolf brothers bear an uncanny resemblance to Citizen Smith (Wolfie is more than just an urban guerilla). Shere Khan, the Royal Bengal Tiger is posh and low spoken with outbreaks of potentially psychotic rage – strange how baddies often seem to come from the Home Counties (I blame the Tory Party).

Bagheera the black panther has 'a voice as soft as wild honey dripping from a tree' which is deep and mellifluous. Kaa, the Rock Python is a touch on the whiney side – he is a bit tricky, apparently because he doesn’t actually hiss as much as one might like and, according to Hoggy, it’s hard to read in a lisp without sibilants.

But the main problem is what to do with Baloo? Night after night, Hoggy was ‘not happy with my Baloo voice’. It caused him deep consternation. We tried to help him out by suggesting accents. I favoured a Brummie Baloo although that was turned down on two accounts. Firstly, that accent has never been taken seriously (sorry, mum, but even your beloved Jane Austen wrote ‘one cannot expect great things from Birmingham’). Secondly, Hoggy can’t do a Birmingham accent.

After much deliberation, his Baloo was a gruff Yorkshireman. If you set aside for a minute the fact that this is slightly unfeasible in the middle of an Indian jungle, it actually works surprisingly well. He is a big, serious, sloth bear with more than a touch of pomposity and a slight victim complex. He speaks in thee and thous and says things like, ‘No one is to be feared.’

I think at last Hoggy was happy too and we could all sleep soundly!