Friday Five: Top 10 Films of 2023

On the back of last week's Friday Five, which was actually a top ten, I am doing another for the first Friday of the year. These are my favourite films I have seen in 2023 that were released in 2023 in the country in which I am living. The films are listed in alphabetical order.

1. Asteroid City: Wes Anderson creates another post-modern take on post-modern films. Full of sharp lines (visual and verbal), heightened realism, Brechtian (and other) alienations devices, and a stellar cast. "I still don't understand the play." "Doesn't matter. Just keep on telling the story".
2. Bank of Dave: A beautiful feel-good film about the power of a caring and cohesive community in 'a northern shithole taking on the entitled wankers of the financial institutions. There's a lot of north v south cliches, more than a passing nod to Local Hero, a cute background romance, and the ever-brilliant Rory Kinnear. I don think Sean Dyche should stick to his day job, though.
3. EO: I watched this on a plane and I absolutely adored it. Life as seen through the eyes of a donkey is full of kindness and cruelty, and the donkey is a creature of plodding wisdom who makes their own decisions. Gentle and delightful with moments of heartbreak and profound empathy. 
4. The Great Escaper: "If you want to flog chocolate, don't start a bloody World War". Michael Caine explains why he doesn't rate Cadbury's Black Forest in a wonderful Sir Michael caper about the futility of war and the restorative power of tolerance, understanding and kindness. Glenda Jackson is radiant in her last role, with a timeless compassion. Clearly a British film on account of the self-deprecating humour, the quiet smugness and the dodgy teeth. 
5. Leave the World Behind: When good holidays go bad. Eerie, tense, unsettling, stylishly directed and well acted. Shot with intriguing angles and heightened with a deeply disturbing score, it's as if Don't Look Up met Us with a dash of Killing a Sacred Deer. Part thriller, part examination of the human psyche, part absurdist drama, the film questions what it would take for humanity to destroy itself. Spoiler: we're almost there.



6. Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning, Part One: Kitsch action fun - when you've got a formula that works, why would you change it? Great set pieces in stunning locations with superb stunts and some self-effacing references. Tom cruise is masterful at this stuff. 
7. Northern Comfort: Starts out being a film about a disparate foursome afraid of flying and turns into a black comedy in an Icelandic wellness hotel. Imagine Force Majeure crossed with Death at a Funeral and add an unhealthy dollop of Timothy Spall. Probably don't watch as in-flight entertainment.
8. The Old Oak: Ken Loach films may be grim, but he always finds the humanity. Life may be sh*te for those in the NE English village destroyed by post-industrialisation and the closure of the pit, but there are still some strong moral values at play. If the workers understood the power they have in unity, then they could take on the system, but on the verge of Brexit they turn their disenfranchised anger on the defenceless and vulnerable - in this case the Syrian refugees. Our shame is that in one of the wealthiest nations in the world, people have to make the choice between feeding their family or heating their home. Inequality is a disgrace. And that poor daft little dog!
9. Oppenheimer: Bringing in the sheets. So much symbolism and intelligent wordplay. 
10. Women Talking: But, as is so often the question, is anyone listening? Powerful subject; great cast; devastating dialogue well delivered. Would make a terrific play with the right direction.

Top Ten: Favourite Theatre in 2023

Michael Sheen in Amadeus at Sydney Opera House

I realise it's a Friday and that's usually a Friday Five, but as it's the end of the year, I give you a double episode, so here are my ten favourite theatre productions that I have seen this year (in alphabetical order):

1. Amadeus - Sydney Opera House, Red Line Productions, and the Metropolitan Orchestra, Concert Hall, Sydney Opera House: Let's face it, Michael Sheen is the draw-card here. Peter Shaffer's play is full of words and wit, interspersed with snatches of music and spectacle, and it requires a triumphant actor to bring the bombast and pathos in equal measure. As he looks back on the rumours concerning his part in the untimely death of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Rahel Romain), Salieri (Sheen) interprets events with a satirical detachment and studied indifference, barely concealing his passionate envy and desperate ambition. It is a masterly performance, and his voice and presence command our attention. The costumes are sumptuous (Anna Cordingley and Romance Was Born) with the rich fabrics, sensational colours and flamboyant designs appearing particularly striking on the austere set (designed by Michael Scott-Mitchell), illuminated by Nick Schlieper's lighting design - heavy on the back-lit scenes - which creates intriguing shapes, silhouettes and shadows. Besides the brilliant pairing of Romain and Sheen, other stand-out performances come from Toby Schmitz as an endearingly foppish Emperor Joseph II, Belinda Giblin and Josh Quong Tart as the frenetic Venticelli who buzz about the stage transporting news and gossip, and the musicians of the Metropolitan Orchestra who supply Mozart's sublime music which, despite Salieri's best (and indeed, worst) efforts, we all know and love. 
2. The Children - Chaika Theatre, ACT Hub: When people you genuinely like, respect and admire play characters so despicable you have a visceral reaction and want to punch them,… that’s great acting. Michael Sparks, Karen Vickery and Lainie Hart give superb performances in this potentially bleak futuristic drama set in a post-nuclear where you can't work to save your life. But you can save that of others. The pathos and frustration leads to boiling questions about definitions of selfishness. Into this sterile landscape, directors Tony Knight and Sophie Benassi introduce subtle touches of natural processes, and the chopping of a cucumber has never before been such a statement. ‘You don’t even know it, but right there, in that moment, you’ve lost, you’ve lowered your defences and the enemy’s got in, hasn’t it?’
3. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) [Revised] - Canberra Repertory Society, Theatre 3: Highly entertaining and very well-delivered with confident performances by Alex McPherson, Callum Doherty and Ryan Street. It is a challenge for the three actors to 'perform' all of Shakespeare's plays (and the sonnets) with mild audience interaction and character development, and the trio rise to meet it with aplomb. Kayla Ciceran's set nods to previous productions on this stage, which reflects the self-referential tone of the piece, and the lighting (Stephen Still) highlights all the right areas at all the right times. It flags slightly when one actor is left alone on stage by themself, but soon picks up the pace again in the second act to address Hamlet with requisite humour and the encores and reprises (including the esirper) do not outstay their welcome.
4. Good Works - Lexi Sekuless Productions, Mill Theatre: Director Julian Meyrick brings an intriguing touch to this potentially complicated drama. As the timelines and characters mingle and merge, the actors (Adele Querol, Helen McFarlane, Lexi Sekuless, Martin Everett, Neil Pigot, Oliver Bailey) work as a tight ensemble to highlight the claustrophobic atmosphere and mores of a post-war small-town environment. Some scenes are deeply disturbing as fear and hatred erupt in violence - subjects include corporal punishment, unmarried mothers and same-sex relationships - while moments of compassion and understanding are treated with respect and touching empathy. The versatile set (Kathleen Kershaw) is deceptively simple and the lighting (Jennifer Wright) and sound (Damian Ashcroft) are strikingly effective in this intimate space. 
5. Hay Fever - ACT Hub, ACT Hub: Gender-swapping Noel Coward may seem obvious. It could, however, very easily not work in this quintessential play of English manners, in which members of the Bliss family each invite s guest to their country house for the weekend ('on a clear day you can see Marlow' - my favourite line, obviously) only to treat them appallingly. The fact that it is still so charmingly awful (in all the best ways) is due in part to Joel Horwood's tight direction and set (full use of the stage to represent the ramshackle elements of a country house while inviting an awkward interaction with the audience). The rest is down to the obvious glee with which the actors portrayed their roles with strong physical and vocal performance techniques, led by the outstanding Andrea Close as Judith Bliss in a turn of pure comic genius.



The Bliss Family in Hay Fever

6. Julia - Canberra Theatre Centre & Sydney Theatre Company, The Playhouse, Canberra Theatre Centre: Apparently the Canberra Theatre Centre had to fight to get this premiere by Joanna Murray-Smith, and their efforts are well rewarded. Justine Clarke plays Julia Gillard in an almost one-woman play as she revisits scenes from her personal life and political career. It's not an impression so much as an embodiment, hitting the highs (successfully passing 561 bills through parliament) and lows (the oppositional slurs and sexism) with strength and perfect emphasis. Aided by well-chosen projections, director, Sarah Goodes teases out all the subtlety behind the speeches and the meaning behind the memorable moments. Of course it all leads up to that anti-misogyny speech which brings this house to its feet with justified applause. 
7. King Lear - Echo Theatre, The Q: Echo Theatre's King Lear is a stark interpretation of one of Shakespeare's most challenging plays with some bold and visionary directorial choices (Joel Horwood). With the startlingly dramatic soundscape (Neville Pye) and the bleak setting (Kathleen Kershaw), this production places us truly in the Wasteland. Karen Vickery assumes the fragile balance of performative arrogance and ultimate insecurity of the titular character with a wealth of strength and experience. The supporting cast sell their stories through clarity and costume (Helen Wojtas), with the subplot of Gloucester's (Michael Sparks) literal and metaphorical blindness to the intentions of his sons, Edmund (Lewis McDonald) and Edgar (Josh Wiseman) clearly mirroring Lear's oblivion. As an added bonus, the Dover cliff scene makes more sense than in any performance I have previously seen.
8. Ukulele Man - Canberra Cabaret Festival, ACT Hub: Marcel Cole brings this cabaret act to Canberra on the back of award-winning performances on the festival circuit. Directed by Mirjana Ristevski, he plays the part of  1930s/40s English entertainer, George Formby, accompanied by his ukulele and his mother Katie Cole, who plays his mother, wife and any other characters and musicians as required. With equal amounts of humour, pathos, wistful yearning and practical acceptance, not to mention expert timing and endearing renditions of Formby favourites (When I'm Cleaning Windows, Leaning on a Lamp Post, With My Little Ukulele in My Hand), the performance is fully deserving of the standing ovation it received. Turned out nice again.
9. The Visitors - Canberra Theatre Centre, Sydney Theatre Company & Moogahlin Performing Arts, The Playhouse: Jane Harrison reimagines the crucial moment when local elders meet on 26 January 1788 to decide what to do about the fleet of ships that appears to be arriving in the harbour. Do they welcome the visitors as is their custom, or do they ask them to move on. And what happens if they stay? A solid ensemble of talented actors present their arguments on a sandstone rock stage as if in one of those endlessly tedious work meetings where hierarchical structures bubble beneath the surface, personal resentments are barely concealed, and nothing actually gets decided. Costuming is a mix of modern business suits and indigenous apparel, sounds are the calls of the forests, and the light is bright to the point of glaring. As a political satire, there are moments of brow-beating didacticism (it is exactly the sort of theatre we will be told 'everyone should see'), but it is mainly humorous and thoughtful provoking discussion and consideration - and isn't that part of the purpose of theatre?
10. You Can't Tell Anyone - Canberra Youth Theatre, Courtyard Studio: Written by Joanna Richards, this is a really interesting and original play with a opportunities for a varied cast to display their talents.  Director Caitlin Baker employs a range of technical choices to create atmosphere and tension. The young cast deliver the smart and realistic dialogue to provide humour and immediacy as they gather at school graduation to consider future options. Deciding to play a party game, Paranoia (it would make a much better title, incidentally), in which the participants must provide answers to questions revealing what others truly think of them, a supernatural element creeps in making them all even more uncomfortable. The feeling of being between two worlds (as a metaphor for the threshold of adulthood) is made almost palpable through effective set (Kathleen Kershaw), atmospheric sound (Patrick Haesler) and lighting design (Ethan Hamill).

The cast of The Visitors

Friday Five: Books Read in July

 

Books read in July:

1. Quichotte by Salman Rushdie - Shortlisted for the 2019, Quichotte, is a breathtakingly sophisticated novel of postmodern genius, featuring a picaresque style and a desperately ordinary protagonist. Sam DuChamp is an Indian-born writer living in America, who has written a number of unsuccessful spy thrillers. Hoping to write a book "radically unlike any other he had ever attempted", he creates the character of Ismail Smile, a travelling pharmaceutical salesman. Having worked for unscrupulous companies and suffered a stroke in old age, Smile begins obsessively watching reality television and becomes infatuated with 'celebrity' and former Bollywood star, Salma R. Despite having never met her, Smile sends her love letters under the pen name of Quichotte and begins a quest for her across America with his imaginary son, Sancho. It is a spectacular piece of literary satire, which confounds simple synopses, as it is impossible to separate what is 'real' and what is not. That is clearly no accident in this post-truth society in which we find ourselves. 
2. The Opal Desert by Di Morrisey - Di Morrissey sets place extremely well. In her dozens of novels, the scenery and landscape are immediate and infinitely better drawn than her characters or plotlines. The Opal Desert is, unsurprisingly, set in Lightning Ridge, Broken Hill, Opal Lake, and White Cliffs, where most people are exceptionally friendly and we learn about the precious stones and the community who mine them. The three women around whom Morrissey tells her tale, Kerrie, Shirley and Anna, are all fairly predictable stereotypes who overcome their personal obstacles in life-affirming ways, which may not be realistic, but are heart-warming. Many people head to the opal fields for a change of pace, which is admirable. One character states, “We all need time out, as they say, on occasion. But that’s all it should be, a space between decisions. It becomes very easy to drift. You see it happen out here and before you know it, you’ve lost a great chunk of your productive life.” This begs the question, why must you be productive; what is the definition of produce – is it capitalist growth, and is that why Indigenous culture is ignored because it doesn’t visibly contribute to the GDP? What is wrong with “drifting”? Perhaps it has to do with the nature of Morrissey’s storytelling, in which all is tied up neatly at the end. It seems easy to get to be a curator, train for world athletic events or have an exhibition of paintings. Other character’s mysterious circumstances are cleared up in a page or two and everyone gets closure. This makes the people instantly forgettable (so much for recording their stories) but the landscape lingers in the mind.
3. Bewilderment by Richard Powers - Shortlisted for the 2021 Booker Prize, Bewilderment is a deeply moving and powerful novel, set in the near future. It concerns the degradation of the planet in tandem with a father's love for his neuro-divergent son. In an interview for the Booker Prize, Powers said, "It is, in part, a novel about the anxiety of family life on a damaged planet, and for that, I'm indebted to writers as varied as Margaret Atwood, Barbara Kingsolver, Evan Dara, Don Delillo, and Lauren Groff." It is a rich novel full of connections as, grieving for the loss of the wife and mother, the two embark on a camping trip in the wilderness to heal through nature. When they return to the 'real' world of work and school - competition, conformity and bullying - they are introduced to AI technology which can help connect to memories of others and suggest life in parallel universes. Some reviewers have considered it didactic and claustrophobic. Perhaps this is intentional as, if we continue to ignore the environmental portents, are we endangering our own species as the world closes in on us? 
4. Shit, Actually by Lindy West - Lindy West is a New York Times opinion writer and best-selling author who used to be the in-house movie critic for Seattle’s alternative newsweekly The Stranger – with a genuine adoration for nostalgic trash. In this humorous feminist revisionism re-evaluation of cult and classic films (re-watched during lock-down), she ranks all films against The Fugitive, which she thinks is the perfect film – Love Actually is the worst (why don’t any of the women actually talk?). Featuring rants, all-capital letters and italics, slang, swearing, and erratic punctuation, it reads like a teenager’s texts, complete with hashtags and initialisms such as YOLO and BTW. Other than Love Actually and Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone here), all the films are American blockbusters. As West writes, “I’m sorry but if there’s a British guy in a suit who talks in the first five minutes of your movie, he’s the villain! If it’s Tom Wilkinson, you’re fucked.”
5. Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus - I have read this for not one but two book clubs, for which it is the perfect fare. Although a brilliant chemist, Elizabeth Zott is not taken seriously because she is a woman in the 1950s and, “When it came to equality, 1952 was a real disappointment.” Because she is beautiful and intelligent, the only thing the men can think of to do with her is either mock her when she spurns their sexual advances, or suggest she present a cookery show. In scenes familiar from Julia Childs' biographies, Elizabeth teaches women about self-worth as much as cooking. She focusses on the chemical aspects of cooking as she continues to refute social norms and expectations. There are some tough, hard-hitting moments, but it feels overall uplifting, and the bright primary colour scheme of the mid-century domestic sphere will look enchanting on the small screen in the inevitable TV adaptation. As she defends the importance and influence of women, Elizabeth points out, "Chemistry is inseparable from life – by its very definition, chemistry is life. But like your pie, life requires a strong base. In your home, you are that base. It is an enormous responsibility, the most undervalued job in the world that, nonetheless, holds everything together.” 
6. After Sappho by Selby Wynn Schwartz - Mostly what we have of Sappho’s work is of fragments of writing, and this novel emulates that style with short vignettes that feel like excerpts of longer works, all relating to great female creative artists; their work, loves and lives. They work together even if they have never met in a style of sisterhood. It includes snippets of laws passed against women and miniature biographies, which lead to further exploration. Men have been cut from the stories, as women have historically been, and their absence is no great loss, as they have dominated the narrative for too long. As the author writes, “What was a man’s life but the inalienable right to verbs of action? What might Vita [Sackville-West] have become, given the transitive and a pair of sturdy boots?”

You Keep It All In: A Clear Conscience

A Clear Conscience by Frances Fyfield

Corgi

Pp. 284

Helen West is a prosecutor in domestic violence cases, and this is her fifth outing in novels by Frances Fyfield, although that is not obviously apparent from this edition. The fast-paced and bleak thriller is set in the world of back-street boozers, wife abusers, ex-boxers, and knock-off perfume. The crime is both petty and serious, as passion erupts into fights over office romance and much darker offences. The characters are criminals, cleaners, bar staff, ex-army personnel, lawyers, policemen and caseworkers.

The writing style is almost breathless, and grammar seems optional as the prose gathers pace along with the narrative. The author constantly switches point of view so it appears to be third-person omniscient but we are always in the mind of the subject, blurring the lines between reality and perception. Helen’s friend Emily employs Cath as a cleaner; Cath’s brother Damien is the murder victim of a case investigated by Bailey, Helen’s partner; Damien was killed after a night at the pub where Joe, Cath’s abusive husband works. There are no easy answers or definitive source of truth; law and justice are explicitly not the same thing.

Everyone lies to a certain extent, and no one tells the whole truth to anyone, even themselves. “We are all at cross purposes, he thought, every one of us a little mad, each of us with a piece of puzzle in our hands, while the truth floats up there like that big, black raincloud.” In an attempt to feel better about one’s self-image, characters believe their own narrative and don’t examine their motives too closely. Helen is obsessed with home decorating, Cath smells of bleach, Emily dismisses Cath for suspected theft of perfume – the interior renovation metaphor alludes to the patina of gloss that covers cracks but doesn’t mend them. Perfume serves a similar masking purpose. “What a terrible gift was perfume, always given by a man to make you wear it and please him, while you stank of blackmail.”

Written in 1994, the novel has an end-of-the-century feminism feel as the author questions women’s roles and their need to validate themselves in society. Helen claims to be determinedly independent and happily childfree. “I’d hate to be a megalomaniac wife and mother. Mothers run a closed book. They shut the world out, close off anything inconvenient, as if being mum in charge of a family is so self-satisfying, so sanctifying, they never need have a conscience about anything else.” And yet, she is yearning for something intangible. “It was useless pretending she was not influenced by what she saw and read; she was not immune to the contagion of the romantic or the desire for security purveyed by mothers and magazines…but she did not quite know how to not want it either, or how to close her ears to the blandishments of marriage propaganda.”

Although short and sharp, this is an oppressive novel in which women are struggling to stand alone without being defined by men – partners; bosses; social constructs. There is a menacing tone and a fear that they will never be enough – but by whose standards? It reminds me of that playground 'joke', Q: Why do women wear make-up and perfume? A: Because they're ugly and they smell. They are not and they do not, but our patriarchal capitalist society has a vested interest in making them think thus.

Friday Five: More TV

I haven't done this for a while, which means there is a whole lot to catch up on. So without further ado...

Five TV Shows I've Watched Since the Last Time I Did This, in Alphabetical Order:

1. Death in Paradise (ABC iView, BINGE, Foxtel) - I love this utterly preposterous series. It is total comfort TV, of the 'cosy murders' trope, and I, along with many others I'm sure, binge-watched it through COVID lockdowns. There are limited characters on a small Caribbean island and a murder an episode (there are twelve seasons, with another two in the works) doesn't stop the visitors piling in. Mind you, as an actor, it would be hard to say no to a two-week stint in a tropical paradise. In a Calypso-Christie homage the half dozen or so suspects are rounded up at the end of each episode where the seemingly impossible crime is explained and the perpetrator is led away with a shake of the head and a sorrowful expression. And it all begins again next week. The detectives change every few seasons - we started with Ben Miller in 2011, through Kris Marshall (2014-2017), Ardal O'Hanlon (2017-2020) and latest incumbent Ralph Little (2020-current) - as do their sergeants and other officers. The two characters who have remained throughout are the bar/ restaurant owner Catherine Bordey, played by Elizabeth Bourgine, and the highlight of the show, Police Commissioner Selwyn Patterson played by the inimitable Don Warrington. There's also a CGI lizard called Harry, who has his own fan-following. Yes, it's that kind of show.
2. Fisk, Season Two (ABC iView, Netflix) - This has more of the same gloriously understated humour that was so enjoyable in the first season. Kitty Flanagan continues to write, direct and star as the not-quite-so-flash lawyer, dealing with obnoxious workmates and an overbearing father, This time round guest cameos come from Denise Scott, Harley Breen, Stephen Curry, Geraldine Hickey, Glenn Robins, Anne Edmonds, Rob Sitch, and Colin Lane, amongst others. Entertaining half-hour-long episodes make for perfect mid-evening viewing.
3. The Good Fight, Season 6 (SBS VICELAND, SBS On Demand, Stan, Paramount +) - If you want proof that the U.S. can do sharp, surreal, political, satire, look no further than The Good Fight. The final season sees the lawyers of Reddick & Associates trying and failing to ignore the collapse of their society, where white supremacists gather around the building, bombs are intermittently exploded, and Diane Lockhart (Christine Baranski) undergoes therapy with the bloke from Madman (John Slattery). She is prescribed a mild hallucinogen which helps her to see the funny side of barely futuristic news headlines in an only slightly altered reality. There are in-house leadership struggles, snappy suits and even-snappier spectacles, power plays and explorations of moral values which border on Boston Legal territory but without the obvious schmaltz. Charmaine Bingwa as Carmen Moyo is a great replacement for the much-missed Cush Jumbo as the up-and-coming focus character, while Marissa (Sarah Steele) and Jay (Nyambi Nyambi) continue their eye-on-the-ball down-with-the-kids schtick.

4. Mare of Easttown (HBO; Foxtel) - Kate Winslet won an Emmy Award for Outstanding Leading Actress as Mare Sheehan in a fine example of the 'going over there and taking their jobs' phenomenon as she plays a detective investigating a murder in a small town outside Philadelphia. She vapes, fights with her 'mom' and struggles to raise her daughter while doing her job with as much integrity as she can muster. The series won critical acclaim for its honest portrayal of women desperately trying to balance work and care duties. While failing to live up to societal standards of a good wife, mother, daughter and employee, she actually excels at all of the above to all who matter, and winds up exhausted and under-recognised. Despite multiple awards (Hollywood Critics Association; Primetime Emmy; Golden Globes: Critics Choice; Screen Actors' Guild; Writers' Guild) and box-office smashes (highest viewership for a linear series and one of only two series to see consecutive growth week-to-week for HBO), it still hasn't been commissioned for a second series. Maybe the predominantly male executive producers are still not ready to see women be real women. 
5. This is Going to Hurt (BBC & AMC) - In this stellar adaptation of Adam Kay's best-selling breakthrough memoir, Ben Wishaw and Ambika Mod epitomise the highs and lows of the medical profession, presenting their stories with comedic and dramatic tones. As junior doctors on an obstetrics and gynaecology ward in a National Health Service hospital, they work through the ranks of hospital hierarchy, breaking the fourth wall and addressing viewers directly with dialogue. Apparently you can save people's lives, have babies named after you, provide an exceptionally high level of care in agonisingly difficult circumstances, and be reviled, underpaid, underappreciated and criminalised at the same time. And sleep-deprived. Don't ever forget sleep-deprived. While I don't understand why anyone would undertake the ludicrously difficult position of Junior Doctor, I am forever grateful that there are people who do. And Nigel Lockhart, the Chief Consultant (played with scene-stealing panache by Alex Jennings) is an absolute c*nt.

Gardeners' Sexist Time: Mr. Macgregor

Mr. Macgregor by Alan Titchmarsh

Pocket Books

Pp. 341

English gardener, broadcaster, TV presenter, poet and journalist, Alan Titchmarsh, has written a novel. Sticking to the advice of ‘write what you know’, he has set it in the glamorous world of TV gardening shows, and the stereotypical gender roles of the 1980s. Apparently gardeners are sexy these days and a valued staple of any TV station’s talent. From the lights of the studio to the marquees of the Chelsea Flower Show, it’s full of bitchy gay presenters, man-eating female news reporters and division of women into the categories of young, attractive and nubile or old, fat and ugly. There are plenty of adjectives, and a couple of jokes, but none of them are original. According to a quote on the jacket, Jilly Cooper found it ‘absolutely charming... made me understand a lot more about men.’ I sincerely hope not.

Rob MacGregor becomes TV’s latest sex symbol, which alienates quite a few people, including the expert he replaces and his girlfriend, an investigative journalist. We don’t learn a lot about her. Women are invariably described by their appearance and how it fits the male gaze. “Miss Menopause. No one’s ever seen her legs. Greenhouse expert at that difficult time of life.” “Hair the colour of marmalade and the face of a Welsh cob.” “Monstrous limbs he gazed upon now, which made the Michelin man look anorexic.” The socially-acceptable attractive women don’t fare any better, and pretending to be writing from the character’s point of view does not excuse the crude and leering sexism, not least because we learn way more about a character’s appearance than their actual character. “The neatly tailored matching jacket was open wide enough for Frank’s all-invading eyes to notice that underneath her ribbed turtle-necked sweater was a perfect pair of breasts.”

Class distinctions are also broad and satirised at the most basic level. Roofing contractors obviously have “an East London accent, with more than a hint of the cowboy about it”. The cheerful cleaning lady drops her aitches as she muddles her metaphors. The speech of these characters is rendered phonetically, while all other accents are unremarked upon.

Everything is as expected and the plot is totally predictable. Reviewers on Goodreads have described it as a light and comfortable holiday book in which very little happens. Add twee and sexist to the description and that just about sums it up.

Friday Five: Next on Stage

1. At Dinner - ACT Hub Development Initiative, ACT Hub: In this new piece of writing by Rebecca Duke, we witness a date between two diners (Thea Jade and Timothy Cusack) and their interaction with the third actor (Nakiya Xyrakis), a server in the restaurant. The audience, served by the waiter and given a program in the form of a menu, are included as patrons into the proceedings. Director, Holly Johnson allows the words to do most of the action, in a simple setting where the actors barely move from their seated position. It is a credit to all involved that this retains audience interest despite the static set-up.
2. White Rabbit, Red Rabbit - Aurora Nova and Lexi Sekuless Productions, Mill Theatre: The main stipulation for this play, written by Nassim Soleimanpour, is that the performer has never seen it before. It has no director and no rehearsal period. When the actor enters the space, the script is on a chair in a sealed envelope. They must open this envelope and read the contents, including all the stage directions, aloud to the audience. They must carry out the instructions as an actor but also as a human being - even if those instructions may cause themselves risk or potential harm. The audience is forced to be complicit in this dramatic manipulation. It also works better if the audience has not seen it before so is literally on the same page as the actor as they experience the twists and turns of the script. I admit I have seen it before (it was staged at The Street in 2014), where I had such a visceral negative reaction to the piece, I wanted to walk out of the theatre. This time around, I had no such response. The shock value was absent and without that, no matter how good PJ Williams is (and he is certainly engaging and guides the audience through the content like a kindly shepherd), it lacks the necessary punch and just seems mean-spirited. 
3. Julia - Sydney Theatre Company and Canberra Theatre Centre, The Playhouse, Canberra Theatre Centre: Apparently the Canberra Theatre Centre had to fight to get this premiere by Joanna Murray-Smith, and their efforts are well rewarded. Justine Clarke plays Julia Gillard in an almost one-woman play as she revisits scenes from her personal life and political career. It's not an impression so much as an embodiment, hitting the highs (successfully passing 561 bills through parliament) and lows (the oppositional slurs and sexism) with strength and perfect emphasis. Aided by well-chosen projections, director, Sarah Goodes teases out all the subtlety behind the speeches and the meaning behind the memorable moments. Of course it all leads up to that anti-misogyny speech which brings this house to its feet with justified applause. 
4. Holding the Man - Everyman Theatre, ACT Hub: This is a touching play dealing with coming-of-age, coming out, and the effect the AIDS pandemic had on the gay community in the 1980s. First produced in 2006 based on a memoir published in 1995, it is entirely of its time, and exactly the worthy drama one would expect Jarrad West to direct for Everyman Theatre. There are a few issues with sight lines, the staging is basic and there are moments that drag (the masturbation scene was obviously more fun in rehearsal, and the mockery of the NIDA students dips into one-note caricature), but the central couple played by Joel Horwood (Tim Conigrave) and Lewis McDonald (John Caleo) are outstanding and push all the right buttons of awkwardness, arrogance and anguish. The supporting cast (Amy Kowalzcuk, Joe Dinn, Grayson Woodham, Tracy Noble) are kept very busy playing multiple roles with effective delineation that bring out all the requisite emotion and leaves the audience in no doubt that they have seen something beautiful unfold before them. 
5. The Thing That's Missing - Perform Australia, Mill Theatre: Written by Elizabeth Avery Scott and directed by her partner, James Scott, this play features the advanced Diploma of Performance students from their acting school, Perform Australia. The four young people (Annie Nogaliza, Bronte Thomson, Mikkie Martinez, and Isaac Travers) have had something taken away from them, which ranges from the minor insignificance to the crucial piece of their humane puzzle. Each of the four actors tells their story before clearing the stage for the next vignette, until they end up together in their flat-share situation to offer companionship to each other and support their loss. There are moments of humour and some sharp dialogue to offset the well-meaning but overly earnest content.