2014 World Cup: Today's Talking Point - The Pain of Penalties

Penalties are like democracy, which, in the words of Winston Churchill, 'is the worst form of government, except for all the others.' For the neutral, they provide thrilling entertainment, for the team that wins, they are wonderful; for the team that doesn't they are crushing. And either way, you have to live with the result.

But what is the alternative? Knock-out games need a result. You could make the teams play on and on and on, adding further periods of extra time by the half hour until there is a result. This gives the opposition time to reply and sets a fair expectation - as in those interminable tie-breaks in tennis. You could go for the 'golden goal' option (this used to be called 'sudden death' but the term was deemed to have 'negative connotations' and removed from use in 1993) as FIFA have sometimes done.

This was basically a 'next goal wins' scenario whereby if the match was drawn at the end of normal time, there were two extra halves of 15 minutes played each way and if a goal was scored in this time then the game was won instantly. If not, the match then proceeded to penalties. Detractors complained that this led teams to play defensively (as if this were a bad thing) focusing on not conceding a goal rather than scoring one. 

Then there was the 'silver goal' introduced in 2002, whereby if a team scored in extra time, that half was concluded and the game was not stopped automatically, but if the goal had come in the first half, then the second half wasn't played. Furthermore, it was up to each tournament to decide which rules they were going to implement. Confusing? Yes, well that might well be why FIFA resorted to penalties.

Some say penalties are a lottery. Not really. If you are going into a tournament that may be decided on penalties (and a fifth of all World Cup knock-out matches since 1974 have been decided on penalties), then you practice taking them, and the side that performs best at penalties wins. This is proven by empirical evidence. 

England have been involved in three penalty shoot-outs at the World Cup; they have lost all of them. After their shoot-out defeat (by Argentina) in 1998, manager Glenn Hoddle admitted that his squad had not practiced taking penalties. Prior to the 2014 World Cup, England had lost more penalty shoot-outs than any other nation. Incidentally the teams that have won most penalty shoot-outs in the World Cup are Argentina and Germany. Bring on the final.

World Cup 2014: Today's Talking Point - The Case for the Defence

What else could we possibly talk about other than that defeat? Hosts Brazil, who haven't lost a home game since 1975, let in seven goals; five in nineteen minutes in the first half. The final score of 7-1 to Germany could have been greater. And every non-partisan supporter cheered for football.

The Brazilian team has been appalling in this World Cup. Their football has let them down; they have relied too much on Neymar and have left gaping holes in defence, as Germany exploited to their delight and Brazil's bemusement.

Brazil aren't the only ones; the defending at this World Cup hasn't exactly been spectacular. All the focus in the early stages was on Neymar, Suarez, Ronaldo, Messi, van Persie, Robben, and even Rooney, but no one bothered about what was going on (or not) at the back. The games in the group stages were largely goal-fests, which may have entertained the masses, but it didn't bode well for the future of football. It was clear that the teams that were going to succeed in this World Cup would be any one which paid equal attention to both ends of the pitch: bringing a fresh interpretation to the cliche, 'a game of two halves'.

But it was more than that. The tricks, flicks and flairs of traditional Brazilian football were infrequent in this tournament. Crowds have been turned off as the boys from Brazil have hacked, fouled, shoved, barged and kicked their way through to the semi-final. The fact that they have appeared to win more than their fair share of referee's calls has also looked ugly. It has been far from aesthetically pleasing, and football fans are unimpressed. And so there are very few regrets as the Germans go marching on. So long, samba; the party's over.

Semi-Final speculation

Reports of the demise of European football have been somewhat previous. We heard so much about the dominance of South American football, and yet there are three European teams in the quarter-finals. Sure; the superstars have fallen by the wayside – Anelka; Cannavaro; Rooney; Ronaldo etc. – but the team-play rather than silky skills are rising to the top, and that is exactly what I like to see.

First up – Brazil v The Netherlands; the one everyone expected the world champions to win, including the world champions themselves. Expectation is a terrible thing – ask England – and the Netherlands quietly went about the business of puncturing Brazil’s illusions. Having scored a goal from an error (Felipe Melo was credited with the own goal), the Netherlands defended well and even managed to score again.

I heard the expression ‘Kuyt to the rescue’ and mention of his impressive work rate on several occasions. Just as Ferdinand might as well be christened ‘Given-away-by’, I seriously began to think that Kuyt’s sobriquet is ‘Unselfish-play-by’. Is there a prize for the most assists? If so, he should definitely be awarded it – perhaps it could be called the golden sock.

Melo’s game went from bad to worse when he was sent off for a dirty foul, stamping on the hamstring of Arjen Robben that could have ended his career. Actually, everyone in a blue shirt had a pop at Robben who spent most of the match flying through the air or rolling on the ground. The match became increasingly ill-tempered towards the end as Brazil were no longer the impressive exponents of the beautiful game and cards flew for deliberate hand-balls and simulation – forty fouls were given in all and Brazil showed more Gallic than Latin temperament problems; I can’t see Germany doing that.

The commentator quipped, “If Brazil are going out of the World Cup they are going out with a fight – quite literally.” He also referred to the Dutch defence as resembling “an orange jelly, just wobbling there – no wonder they’re nervous.” He must have so much fun thinking these things up...

I watched the Ghana v Uruguay game propped up in bed with a couple of female friends in a hotel room; there was honestly nothing dodgy about this (although the discussion about how nice the Ghanaians looked in their red and yellow strip against the bright green turf was a little iffy).

There was everything dodgy about Luis Suarez hand-balling Dominic Adiyiah’s definitely goal-bound extra-time shot off the line. He was given a red card and sent off. Ghana were awarded a penalty as the last action of the game – Asamoah Gyan should have scored and Ghana should have been in the semi-finals. He hit the cross-bar and they’re not.

The match went to penalties, the first of which Gyan took and scored with commendable coolness. Mensah and Adiyiah couldn’t convert their penalties – only one Uruguayan missed, and it’s all over for Africa. Penalty shoot-outs are a lottery: exciting when your team isn’t involved; sickening when they are. One of my friends was demanding, “Why can’t the ref just give a goal?” It’s a fair enough question, and I’m sure she’s not the only one asking, but them’s the rules and although there will a call for them to be changed in future, for now Uruguay are justifiably into the final four.

Asamoah Gyan was understandably distraught. So, slightly less understandably, were my tender-hearted maternal friends. “He’s not your son” I pointed out. “Yes, but he’s some poor mother’s son” one of them snuffled, somewhat illogically. I have seen this happen to England before and wasn’t going to waste my tears on other countries’ sons.

Speaking of cheating hand-of-God South American nations, I thought I might have split loyalties when it came to Argentina v Germany; who do I dislike least? After all; we’ve fought wars against both these countries (okay, so it might be hard to find a country that Britain hasn’t found itself in conflict with over the centuries). As it happened, all it took was one look at the puffed-up pigeon-chested Maradona to make up my mind and have me screaming at the TV, “Come on Germany!”

And they are a good young side with decisive passes and innovative play – of course, the word ‘clinical’ is never far from any description of the Fatherland, and it was a definitive demonstration of what to do with that unpredictable beach ball – split the defence and put it in the back of the net – but it was sublime to watch.

I like Lionel Messi and I like Javier Mascherano; in them I think Argentina has the best striker and defensive midfielder in the world, but as we have seen; this isn’t a tournament for individuals; it is a exhibition of cooperation and the Germans worked together as a tight unit, yes, alright, even an efficient one. There was added satisfaction in the fact that we put two goals past them and Argentina couldn’t even manage one. England don’t look quite so woeful in that light.

And then there’s Spain... People have been calling them under-performers, but they are through to the semi-final after grinding out a 1- 0 victory against Paraguay. The game had end-to-end missed penalties, disallowed goals, retaken penalties, unawarded penalties, squandered free kicks and one of the tightest mid-field contests seen so far in this tournament. Spain may not have set the footballing world alight, but you don’t have to play pretty football to win.

The only bet I have that is still vaguely alive is for Torres to pick up the golden boot. It doesn’t look like it’s going to happen, but he could always prove me wrong by bagging a swag of goals against Germany and progressing through to trounce the Dutch (assuming, as I do, that they beat Uruguay) with yet more bulging of the old onion bag. Like I said, it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen.

Euro 2008: Who to support?

I am still smarting from England's absence, but I have been enjoying the football played at Euro 2008. It really is the beautiful game, and I don't have to bite off all my nails when my team step onto the pitch, because they're not there.

I don't have to shout rampant biased things at the referee and the opposition, but can instead appreciate each pass, save, volley, free kick, defensive header, crunching tackle, tactical run and, of course, the goals.

But I find sport more interesting if I'm supporting one side or the another. For the record, I'm backing Spain to win the tournament. True, their wordless national anthem is a little underwhelming, but they have the most Liverpool players, including the outstanding Fernando Torres.

It felt strange, this morning, watching the football and wanting Germany to beat Portugal. Football brings out tried and tested stereotypes, and long lost prejudices, largely based on cinematic portrayls and a couple of World Wars fought long before I was born.

So in the end it came down to a question of whom do I dislike more; Michael Ballack or Cristiano Ronaldo? No contest. Ballack may be a fouling, diving, aggressive, dirty player, but Ronaldo is a petulant, whining, cheating, arrogant, selfish, vain, indulgent, tantrum-throing, spoilt, self-obsessed, pouting prima donna.

Sure, he can be a stylish player, but the whinger (and no, that's not a typo) believes he is more than the team, whether that be Portugal or Man Utd. He may be a talented footballer but he is a disgrace to football, and for that reason alone I cheered on Germany.