Marshmallows

What is it about Kiwis and marshmallows? They have them in their hot chocolates - kids have them in 'fluffies' and they coat them in chocolate at every opportunity. They eat things called chocolate fish - basically, just chocolate in the shape of a fish, covering a big marshmallow. They even have them in their Easter eggs, which is just wrong frankly. It's even worse than putting beetroot in your burger - they do that too.

They have these things called Mallow Puffs, which are a treat apparently. The advert asks, 'Have you done enough for a Mallow Puff?' and I sincerely hope not. They also have a thing called a Pinky bar that is strawberry marshmallow wrapped in chocolate and purporting to be 90% fat free. What's the point? It's chocolate! If you don't want to eat fat, there's always carrots!

Don't even get me started on Pineapple Lumps. Strictly speaking, these are not marshmallows, but they have that soft jawish consistency and are coated in inferior chocolate. Supposedly they are made with fruit juice (4.5%) and are one of the things Kiwis most miss about their homeland when they go overseas. Why? They're revolting!

So anyway, back to the marshmallow. It has one purpose as far as I can see, and that's for toasting around a driftwood fire on a beach when you're 13 and you're desperately trying to pretend that you haven't got your eye on that simply gorgeous bloke opposite and you're too shy to make actual conversation, so you just squint at the flames instead until the thing on the end of the stick goes all gooey and mushy and then you pull it apart with your fingers, stringing it out and attempting (and failing) to look seductive while nonchalantly acting like you haven't just burnt your fingerprints off. No one expects you to actually eat the thing!

I once made 'fruit kebabs' for my nephew's birthday party. This involves stabbing yourself repeatedly with a skewer while trying to thread slices of apple, segments of satsuma, halves of strawberries and grapes, and pink and white marshmallows into a pastel rainbow of semi-goodness.

Never mind that my palms were bleeding like sticky stigmata; never mind that my Libran anal-retentive nature would not allow me to break the pattern I had set myself; never mind that I spent hours arraying them in frivolous fan formations; the little monsters just picked off all the fruit and went straight for the sugar - much like we used to discard the cheese from the stick that also featured pineapple and cocktail onions. Except, I actually preferred the cheese, but then I was frequently described as a 'slightly odd child'.

So, it came as a shock to discover something involving marshmallows that was actually palatable. More than that, I really like it! It's got a crunchy texture from nuts that melds perfectly with the soft chewy consistency of the marshmallows and fruit jubes. And it's studded with unexpected colour like an ancient stained glass window. It's very rich and you only need one tiny square at a time. I found this recipe particularly tasty.

30g fruit jubes
50g walnuts

30g Brazil nuts

30g glace cherries

50g marshmallows

10g butter

350g dark cooking chocolate

30g whole almonds

1. Lightly toast all nuts in the oven on fan bake at 180 degrees C.

2. Cut cherries and marshmallows into quarters.

3. Melt chocolate slowly in double boiler (microwaving kills chocolate).

4. Mix all dry ingredients together.

5. Line a tray with grease-proof paper.

6. Mix 2/3 of the melted chocolate with the rest of the ingredients. Mix by hand until well-combined.

7. Spread evenly on the tray and then top with the remaining chocolate. Ensure the mix is even in height, and allow to set. Do not refrigerate, otherwise the chocolate will set very hard and become difficult to cut into portions.