Just before Christmas, when I was doing a lot of sitting around with my leg in plaster, I 'discovered' darts. Of course I can't claim first knowledge of this pub pastime (I am still loath to call it a sport) as it has been around for some considerable time, but I have never really paid attention before. And I confess now, that I found myself totally hooked. And I'll tell you why...
5 Things I Like About Darts:
- The tension - it may not be played by perfect physical specimens (and the close-ups on the throwing arm don't exactly highlight the peak of athleticism) but there is intense concentration, accuracy and skill going on up there
- The crowd - they love it! Chanting along with the cheerleaders (who only know how to perform one 'dance') and entrance music (yes, really, like boxers, albeit in sumo suits), drinking copious quantities of amber liquid, encouraging every throw and feeling every miss, and waving signs declaring 'we're supposed to be at work', they are raucous and jovial and clearly having a great time
- The pace - it's quick, scarcely has one leg finished before the next begins, and there is barely time to go to the bar. It's certainly fast, if not particularly furious
- The jargon - there are legs and sets (indeed, just like tennis) and triple tops and you have to finish on a double and you can do it in five and be on a finish - it's not quite silly mid-on and daisy-cutters, but we're getting there
- The pyschological drama - players can win or lose on body language alone, and they stand very close to each other for quite a lot of the tine
It's really no secret that I have loved these Olympics, and followed the antics and achievements of the athletes like a spectacular drama.
But I'm afraid to say that the finale was ultimately a let-down. Despite all the hoopla of the closing ceremony and the handover to Britain involving a double decker bus, David Beckham and some umbrellas, the events of the last day were all a bit ho-hum.
True, it kicked off with the men's marathon which was remarkable for its pace and style in that heat and humidity, but where were the rest of the athletics? I'm sure that the final day used to involve proper events and baton twirling - sorry, relay races. Now the baton twirling is not ironic, and represented by rythm gymnastics, with handball and volleyball finals also being decided. Add to this the spectacle of water polo and the whole thing is a bit of a damp squib.
So I am left looking ahead to the prospect of the next games in London. I really hope that we will dispense with the lavish ceremony and cut to the parade of nations, a couple of speeches and then everyone is entertained by a quick burst of morris dancing and a couple of stand-up comedians, and it's off down the pub - bring your own tankard. We could save a good thirty million pounds right there. Maybe we could plough it into sporting organisations or, and here's an idea, give it to the health and education systems!
I have heard a rumour that darts will be in an as exhibition sport - now that's pretty British. Let's not stop there. Why don't we include cheese rolling, fell running and pint racing? This has to be better than cricket, golf and rugby which are some of the suggestions for sports to be included. They have their own major, and highly paid professional, tournaments. They don't need to be part of our games.
I have also heard that baseball and softball will be dropped, and if there's any justice, beach volleyball will go the same way. If we must include it, why don't we make them play on Brighton beach with its not-so-soft shingle and it's freezing water? They'll rue those skimpy costumes then, although that would probably please the lecherous lads (the only people who actually watch this 'sport') even more.
And if we must have a closing ceremony, let it be along the lines of It's a Knockout. The athletes could race up and down on tricycles wearing comedy clown feet and royal family masks. They could play their jokers, wade through blancmange and carry buckets of coloured water with holes in the bottom. And Stuart 'As a Hatter' Hall could guffaw throughout proceedings. Now we just have to start lip-synching and crushing protests. I'm looking forward to it already!
