Friday Five: Show Posters

One of the themes of the play I am directing, Dead Man's Cell Phone, is the way people interract through their phones rather than realistically and so their understanding of each other becomes skewed and depersonalised. In devising a poster to advertise the play, I wanted to spotlight the overload of impersonal information and intimate details and the way in which it is easy to become sucked into this heightened but depleted digital world. I didn't want any recognisable faces or features, other than possibly a hand which could belong to any body. These are my suggestions for what I had in mind.

1. 
2. 
3. 
4. 
5. 

This is what the publicity department gave me.

I was recently listening to an interview with Ridley Scott in which he said that he strongly disliked the poster for Prometheus, because it actually contains a plot spoiler. He asked for it to be changed, but it remained because apparently the marketing department is more powerful than a director. Well, if they won't listen to Ridley, I can't really expect them to listen to me.

In the meantime, at least the poster is bright and should grab the attention, hopefully drawing people to come and see our wonderful production. And it also goes really well with the colours on a can of Bentspoke Crankshaft.

Friday Five: Random Thoughts

Here are some thoughts for the week, which are in no particular order and bear no discernible relation to each other.

5 Random Thoughts:

1. We have just had our oven fixed. It has been out of order for about two weeks. The first thing I made in it was baked potatoes. I think they are the food of the Gods. Someone told me they are the meal of poverty. Whatever, they taste great with butter, baked beans and grated cheese. 
2. I was talking to a friend's teenage boy child, and he told me that his three favourite things are Bionicles (a line of Lego construction toys), his family, and food. This seems like a solid, no-nonsense list to me. I remember at a slightly younger age telling my mother I loved her almost as much as my bed. I do greatly value my sleep, and probably meant this as a compliment, but it is patently unfair. I'm sure she's long since forgotten the comment, but I am still racked by guilt - sometimes even to the point that it stops me sleeping at night.
3. I have recently been irritated by advertising slogans, which fail to follow the rules of grammar. For example, an investment finance company advertises itself with the slogan, 'Be ready for next.' Next what? Unless they are referring to the British clothing retailer, founded in Leeds in 1861, which in 2012 overtook Marks and Spencer as the UK's largest clothing retailer, this is an incomplete sentence. It requires a noun at least, if not a definite article. A car manufacturer heralds its brand with the tagline, 'Experience amazing'. Again, I question, amazing what? Grace? Gross disregard for basic syntax? Another culprit that uses adjectives as nouns with car(e)less abandon begs us to 'unlock the more'. I don't even know where to begin with this abomination. Or should I say, 'Witness the wrong'? I read a report this week for the UK Department of Education which claims that more than a quarter of children starting primary school are unable to communicate in full sentences. Is this surprising when so-called educated marketing graduates can't either?
4. My car has been recalled because it has a faulty airbag. I have been sent dire warnings that, 'If you are involved in a collision, the airbag can go off with too much explosive force, causing sharp metal fragments to shoot out and and kill or seriously injure people in your vehicle.' (The bold type is theirs.) This will apparently be fixed free of charge, which is as it should be, and there is no implied fault on behalf of the owner. I phoned up my Toyota dealer to book in for the free replacement, and they informed me that they were not taking bookings for this procedure until next week. You can probably imagine how terrified I am of driving right now. 
5. All of which leads me nicely to the point that I suffer from anxiety. I count things as part of daily life. My morning ritual involves counting how many minutes to steep the teabag (three) to how many times I brush and rinse my teeth (five). When I fold the washing I fold five items before I put them away. When I do the washing up I place four items into the basin each time. When I adjust the sound or the time on a digital device, I always have to settle on an even number (I don't care if this makes my clocks a minute fast: that's just how reckless I am). One of the skills I learned through orienteering as a young child was literally how to pace myself. I would count my steps and know how many steps I walked/ran in 100 metres so, therefore, could work out how far I had travelled on the map, which topographical features I could expect to see around me, and where that elusive control should be. I also know how many strokes it takes me to swim a length of the pool whether I'm doing butterfly, backstroke or front crawl, and I count them to myself to ensure I remain consistent. This is a technique I use whenever things start to get a little too much for me. I love to count - the simple rhythm and predictable pattern is reassuring. I find it interesting that I consider myself a wordsmith, and yet it is numbers that have the power to calm. 

Quick Quintet: Slow-guns

Following on from yesterday's post I've been thinking about catchy advertising slogans. They may not necessarily be for the best product (in fact, usually aren't), but they are irritatingly familiar, or in some cases simply perfect.

Hundreds came to mind actually, which probably shows I take more notice of advertising than I like to admit. Several of them are local - Boddingtons: 'If you don't get Boddies; you'll just get bitter' or Speights: 'Pride of the South', but I'll stick with some that are more universal:

5 Top Marketing Slogans:

1. Carlsberg, probably the best lager in the world
2. Esso: Put a tiger in your tank
3. Ronseal: It does exactly what it says on the tin
4. McDonalds: I'm loving it
5. Nike: Just do it

Olympics: Negative advertising

I don't usually watch TV One news and sport - I find their presenters smug and ill-informed. But they have got the Olympics, and so I have to watch it. I have SKY, which I am happy to pay for and I would far rather the Olympics were on that as well, and then I could have the choice which version to watch - and it wouldn't be One's.

Yesterday I watched as commentators stumbled through sports they knew nothing about - I can forgive that. One of the great things about the Olympics is the fact that every four years you get to watch sports you know nothing about - and won't watch again for another four years. I was intrigued by the fencing, in which the outfits looked like something left over from the Dr. Who costume department.

What I can't forgive is the amount of advertising displayed throughout the sports. I know that advertisers have paid for them to afford the rights (although, as I said, I would have preferred to watch it on SKY) but must they put adverts on every ten minutes - I timed them. They came on during football matches and the crucial parts of the women's road-cycling race. Events were missed or shortened as they were busy prostituting the ethics of The Games.

In cricket, adverts are put on at the end of overs; in tennis at the chage of ends; but in football, it seemed appropriate to just throw them in at random. Why could they not have waited for a goal kick, or after a goal was scored (there were a handy five against New Zealand when they played Brazil). So I idled away the down time between sports by making a list of the products I won't be buying. I know who they are, but I won't give them extra publicity here.

Even more infuriating were the adverts for TV One scattered throughout - I'm already watching your station! I shan't again unless I absolutely have to, especially not Fair Go - is it fair that I am trying to watch the road racing and your mug keeps popping up with annoying regularity? And as for that advert that tells me to 'watch sporting history being made in high definition', I can't bloody watch it anything with all these sodding adverts!

In the rare breaks between rampant commercialism I saw Britain's first gold medal, as Nicole Cooke ploughed through the teaming rain to win the road cycling race and then rushed to embrace her teammates. It was a fantastically gutsy performance and I forgot my gripes as she celebrated her well-deserved victory,. Congratulations Nicole!

I'm also keen to see Michael Phelps storm through the waters in the pool. I wish him all the best in his quest for eight gold medals. That would be a truely phenomenal achievement and a story worthy of the Olympic Games. If he 'only' wins a few, I shall not think he has failed, or feel smug that he didn't achieve his goals. I am impressed by the fact that he can and he thinks he can. I hope he does.