Friday Five: Cricket grounds

Spider-cam at the W.A.C.A.

Don't worry, I won't mention the cricket. I won't even whisper the word 'Ashes', which is all that is left of England's dreaming. I will, however, mention some grounds where I have seen the game played (by one team at least). I enjoy watching cricket, as I have said before, and I have see it in some fine locations. I am omitting the Westpac(Trust) Stadium in Wellington because it is not a particularly good ground. I did once watch England play an ODI there against New Zealand and it was my turn to go the bar when England were halfway through the batting order on a run chase. I returned with the required four pints to be told, 'drink up; we're all out'.

5 Great Cricket Grounds:

1. Worswick Memorial Ground, Rawtenstall - I've seen Rawtenstall play here (with Michael Bevan as their professional) and I've also seen Roger Harper when he played against them with Bacup in the Lancashire League; cracking stuff!
2. The Basin Reserve, Wellington - from England to my nephew's under-eight team, I've seen a variety of entertainment here this big-hearted little cricket ground.
3. The Events Centre, Queenstown - with grass bank seating and some of the finest views in the country (the Remarkles form the backdrop to many a dropped catch) the cricket has to be pretty spectacular to gain the spectators' attention. It usually isn't.
4. The W.A.C.A. Ground, Perth - it was hot and I saw some records including Captain Cook's first ever golden duck and the highest number of runs scored in an over in what is possibly the last Ashes test ever at this venue.
5. The MCG, Melbourne - one of the greatest sporting arenas in the world.

The Melbourne Cricket Ground

Friday Five: Cricket

When I was a child, I couldn't see the point of cricket. Perhaps, even worse than that I resented it for the fact that it took up my parents' time; time which could have been far more profitably spent lavished on me.

My mother would have the television on with the sound off while every radio in the house was tuned to the commentary and if a six was hit or a wicket fell, she would hurry to the front room to watch the replay in pictures. My father enjoyed live cricket from Australia - usually atop a ladder in the middle of the night as he worked his way endlessly around the house painting the windows while wearing a headtorch.

I first started to realise its true value in the days before all-day Sunday drinking. Him Outdoors would take me to the local cricket club where we could lounge on a grassy bank all afternoon and decadently drink cider. This was the start of my conversion. It continued through local league, county cricket and international tests, culminating in the 2005 Ashes Series.

The roles were reversed as I watched live cricket from England through the wee hours of the New Zealand night biting my fingernails to the quick while watching some of the finest cricketers perform outstanding feats with bat and ball. And we won, which helped. I was hooked.

I am not a nerdy stat geek by any means. I remember moments and personalities rather than numbers and records. Of course there are now several variants on the game - the ODIs and the 20/20s - but it's still the tests that really excite me, and it's still the ones between England and Australia that I will willingly waste a whole week watching.

5 Things I Love About Cricket:

1. It's an entirely legitimate waste of time. Tell someone you spent five days lying on a sofa and they will think you are an invalid or a sloth; tell someone you spent five days watching cricket and they will at worst think you are obsessive. I get it now, mum and dad; all is forgiven.
2. Tradition - from the village green to the pitch at Lords, there is something comforting and familiar about all that history and all that sport being played to specific rules. I still don't understand at least half of said rules, but somehow this doesn't seem to hamper my enjoyment one jot!
3. The commentary - those guys (and sadly, as yet, there are no women in the commentary box) know what they're talking about, and most of them say it very entertainingly. Even more amusing are the times when they get distracted by someone's haircut or a nice piece of fruit cake.
4. The ebb and flow - when I was young and ignorant I used to be very frustrated by the fact that no one could definitively answer the question, 'who's winning?'. Now that I'm older (although I make no claim to be less ignorant) I love the fluidity of the game, revelling in the way the upper hand is often perceived rather than qualified. I don't even mind when it all ends in a draw.
5. The sound - from the gentle applause that greets the crack of leather on willow, to the raucous chants of the Barmy Army and the strains of Jerusalem on the trumpet, it couldn't be anything but cricket.

Sporting highlights

What a weekend. We beat the Aussies! We won the Ashes! It was very exciting, what with Ponting’s ovations, Hussey’s hundred, Flintoff’s throw, Strauss’s example, Broad’s bowling, Swann’s flights of fancy (much like mine) and the ‘raucous Sunday crowd’ complete with the return of the trumpet. I’m glad it’s back and we are all very happy.

The football season is off to a flying start – it’s stirring, scintillating, and sparkling stuff. Man Utd, Chelsea, and Arsenal have all come out guns blazing, and Burnley are proving that they will be no mere cannon fodder. Liverpool are doing their usual 'inspire you with hope one minute; crush you with despair the next' thing that they do. It really is the beautiful game.

I admit to cheering a Man Utd goal, but before I am stoned by Scousers, I hasten to add that it was scored by Owen, and even if he is in the wrong red, he's still my Little Michael.

The World Athletic Championships in Berlin is throwing up thrills and spills. The track events produced dropped batons, barged competitors, disqualifications and ‘gender verifications’. Jamaica won both the men’s and women’s 4 x 100m, Britain earned a silver medal in the men’s 4 x 400m – my favourite event to watch.

Usain Bolt is unquestionably the world’s fastest man, and Kenenisa Bekele is arguably the world’s finest athlete. By winning both the 10,000 and the 5,000m at the same event, the Ethiopian becomes the first person ever to do so.

British athlete Lisa Dobriskey was upgraded to silver in the 1,500m after a barging charge against the original winner. Polish hammer thrower Anita Wlodarczyk achieved a world record in this mad sport that involves twisting your back and gyrating your neck in a way that can’t be good for you, and then she twisted her ankle in a victory bounce.

Caster Semenya is grabbing headlines for all the wrong reasons. The South African athlete won the women’s 800m only for people to question whether she is indeed a woman. Apparently she is ‘far too strong, fast and masculine’ to be a woman, and doubts were raised when ‘she liked soccer and wore trousers to school’. Well, heaven help us all.

The IAAF have stated they will ‘verify’ her gender, which involves an endocrinologist, a gynaecologist, an expert on gender and a clinical psychologist. Results may take three to four months. I honestly didn’t know it was so complicated.

Resignations and columns of newspaper print surround this story, but it leaves an unsavoury taste. Is it out and out cheating; is it just sour grapes by those beaten; or is it that the media can’t cope with women in sport who don’t look like Anna Kournikova – no matter if they’ve got infinitely more talent; would they look good on a billboard advertising underwear?

There was also some rugby on – I know because the football and athletics programmes were cancelled while the rugby match was shown several times with warm-up and post-mortem debates. While I was watching it very attentively, I noticed a striking look-i-like-i: Matt Gitteau actually bears a strong resemblance to Heath Ledger.

I think it’s because they’ve both got slightly skewed faces with their features all pointing in opposite directions, not unattractively. It’s as though God said, ‘the good new is; I’m going to give you a face like an oil painting. The bad news is; it’s by Picasso’. Now who said He has no sense of humour.

Arise Sir Freddie

We beat the Aussies! At Lords! There's not a lot more to be said. There I was, dancing round the house at midnight as we won the second test. There are three more to go - the optimist in me says we'll smash 'em bro; the pessimist that we'll play like Wombles.

And then I reckon they'll win the next one, we'll win the one after that, and it will all come down to the final shuddering climactic... draw. Oh, well, we'll take it for now. Great work boys - it was good to watch. Freddie was the hero of the hour, but they all deserve applause. Take a bow - you've done us proud.