Friday, 28 June 2024

Friday Five: Crustacean Cross-Stitch

I must admit, I thought these guys were pretty cute, although there could be something fishy going on...? These were the latest projects from my subscription box, plus I have made it up to five with one of the designs I created for a cast member in Dead Man's Cell Phone, as previously shared
 

Wednesday, 26 June 2024

Cringeworthy Attempt To Be Modern: According to Yes

According to Yes by Dawn French
Penguin
Pp. 365

Rosie Kitto, an eccentric primary school teacher from England, finds herself a position as a nanny/ au pair/ governess in an uptight house in Manhattan’s upper East Side for the Wilder-Bingham family. She has recently suffered a breakup, and she desperately wants to have a baby, so she decides to say yes to everything, hence the title, and sleep with every male in the household, despite the fact they are already in relationships. Her resulting pregnancy is the opposite of the immaculate conception as she has been intimate with the father, Kemble, son, Teddy, and randy old goat grandfather, Thomas. By the end of the book, no one knows who’s the father, so they all decide to help her raise the baby together, which is so preposterous that it really doesn’t count as a spoiler.

We are meant to take against the matriarch and grandmother, Glenn, because she is so cold that the men can’t help themselves but fall into bed with the plump, voluptuous and voracious Rosie. Glenn tries to control her family and replaces affection with obedience. “She has forgotten that if you don’t stoke the fire, it goes out.” She is upset when she is ignored by her family and she sits, “suspended in time, wondering if she matters”, while everyone fawns over Rosie.


Rosie takes the young twins, Red and Three, on trips to museums and parks to teach them things – one almost expects her to pop through a chalk painting on the pavement. She knows more about the city than those who have lived there all their lives because she is special and curious and connected.Of course, the boys pay attention and learn what they are meant to; they all take up gardening and plant new life in the plot on the roof. The boys want their parents’ attention, but as they don’t get it, they are sad and Rosie offers life lessons in a mawkish manner. 


The novel is crammed with out-dated clichés, about the lack of sophistication in England, which the U.S. market will love. The whole thing is written in the present tense, which is almost as irksome as her attempts to be ‘one of us’, which come across as cringe-worthy. She is apparently bold and direct. She teaches the boys to shout ‘Penis’ as loudly as they can get away with in public spaces. Hilarious. If you’re six. Why should others going about their business have to be disturbed by you indulging yourself with profanity?


When Thomas finally reconciles with Glenn, he tells her, “I wish I could shrink your fear, Glennie, then you could just come home and be my wife, Kemble’s mother and the boys’ granma. The real true you. Not the one you try so hard to pretend to be.” So, all that is left for a woman to have a happy ending is in her relation to men. Or to have a baby. Give me a break. This novel is infuriating in its middle-class conservatism and sexism. Dawn French’s alternative comedy status is long gone, as the cover endorsement by the Daily Mail should indicate.

Friday, 21 June 2024

Friday Five: Comic Strip


The national Belgian team have announced that their away strip for the World Cup is an homage to Belgian cartoonist, Hergé and the comic character he is most known for: Tintin. The away kit will feature a blue jersey with characteristic white collar, brown shorts, and white socks. 

This got me thinking about the children's programmes I used to watch as a child, and wondered if any of them could be appropriate for the English national strip. My favourites were Bagpuss and The Clangers. I also quite liked Zippy from Rainbow, although I wasn't such a fan of Bungle and George. Other contenders that spring to mind are The Pathetic Sharks from Viz, Rupert the Bear and, of course, Noddy.
 

More recently (or at least since I no longer watch children's TV), we have had Bob the Builder, Danger Mouse, Morph, Pingu, Postman Pat, Shaun the Sheep, and The Teletubbies. So I can picture the likes of Harry Kane paying homage to Noddy, Jordan Pickford with a rubber ring as a Pathetic Shark, or Jude Bellingham and Marcus Rasdhford as Tinky-Winky and Laa-Laa. Which children's characters do you think would inspire a creative and nostalgic England kit?
 

Tuesday, 18 June 2024

Serial Killer: The White Cottage Mystery


The White Cottage Mystery by Margery Allingham
Penguin
Pp.139

The blurb on the back of the book informs us that, “The White Cottage Mystery was Margery Allingham’s first detective story, published initially as a newspaper serial. Her sister Joyce has now skilfully revised the text to reveal a sharply plotted period piece stamped with the genius of a great and familiar hand.” Mostly this revision is apparently removing some of the repetition which would occur in a serialisation to remind readers of the story from last week rather than the previous page.

It is a country house mystery of the type favoured by the Queens of Crime and follows the formula expertly. The blurb also summarises, “Seven people might have murdered Eric Crowther, the mysterious recluse who lived in the gaunt house whose shadow fell across the White Cottage. Seven people had good cause. It was not lack of evidence that sent Detective Chief Inspector Challenor and his son Jerry half across Europe to unravel a chaos of clues.” The clues involve people trying to cover their secrets, such as blackmail, homosexuality, adultery, class pretence, and other sins. Attitudes may have changed, but the well-plotted drama and general motivation to keep things hidden remains.


On one occasion, W.T. Challenor is exasperated with a woman who doesn’t appear to grasp the sliding scale of the importance of secrets. He tries to explain, “An elephant is large compared with a mouse, but it is ridiculously small compared with Mount Etna. That secret may have been immense six months ago, but now we are faced with a larger and much more terrible secret. Don’t you realise what a murder means?” Women frequently exasperate W.T., and he dismisses them as stereotypes. “Grace Christensen was a woman of the pretty, graceful, feminine type that is not too clever.” Other of-the-era outlooks are reserved for foreigners and ‘abroad’, where father and son head later in the novel to track down a suspect. There is an unwritten code of conduct and honour, which is also familiar from early 20th century novels. W.T. states plainly, “I am an Englishman, and we like our facts like our food – without subtlety. If you will honour me with your trust you will find that I shall respect your confidence.” Far more serious is the stance towards childhood trauma and the notion that the best way to approach distressing events is to forget them.


As with all Golden Age detective mystery fiction, however, the crime is treated as something of a game. W.T. muses on the suspects, “They all behave as if they were innocent, and yet each one is hiding something. Each has a motive for killing Crowther, and admits it freely. No sane person would dare to do that unless they felt safe.” It is, of course, baffling to the duo attempting to solve it. The White Cottage Mystery is a gripping, short caper, capable of being consumed in a day, and the fine plotting ensures that everything is neatly tied up with a bow after all. This is highly recommended for fans of the genre.

Friday, 14 June 2024

Friday Five: Cast Cross-Stitch

As mentioned before, I like to make cross-stitch for cast members in plays I direct, featuring a quote of theirs. Here are the ones I made for Dead Man's Cell Phone.

The first is spoken by Gordon (played by Bruce Hardie); the second by Jean (Jess Waterhouse); the third by Harriet Gottlieb (Elaine Noon); the fourth by Hermia (Victoria Tyrell Dixon); and the fifth by The Other Woman (Alex McPerson).

Wednesday, 12 June 2024

Can you pass the acid test? Trout Fishing in America


Trout Fishing in America by Richard Brautigan
Canongate
Pp. 122

The novella immediately announces itself as a surreal work of post-modernism, deconstructing itself as even being a book. It is not really about trout fishing, but it hangs loosely together around that conceit as it spawns ideas and floats off down streams and meandering tributaries.  The chapters are very short – a page or two at most – and the first one explains the purpose of its own cover. The language is hallucinogenic and often touchingly whimsical as the book defies all conventions in an extremely self-aware manner.

First published in 1967, the novella has a strong element of The Machine in the Garden about it, as Brautigan seems to reflect on nature and the destruction of the environment. A child thinks he sees a waterfall, but really it is “just a flight of white wooden stairs leading up to a house in the trees.” The author remembers how he once mistook an old woman for a trout stream in Vermont. “‘Excuse me,’ I said, ‘I thought you were a trout stream.’ ‘I’m not,’ she said.” In another chapter, an abandoned shack has a notice nailed to the front door. “NO TRESPASSING 4/17 OF A HAIKU”


It is nostalgic in the way that it captures a moment in time, but then suspends it. The contemporary context may be a poor pretext for the sexism that was prevalent in the era, but it can’t excuse the fact that some passages are misogynist and highly distasteful. Brautigan was a contemporary of Kerouac, Burroughs, Kesey and other (always male) beat writers. He usually refers to “the woman I was travelling with” and women are peripheral, mentioned only in relation to their use to men. “The only woman he could find up there was a three-hundred-pound Indian squaw. She had twin fifteen-year-old daughters and he wanted to get into them. But the squaw worked it so that he only got into her. She was clever that way.”


Trout Fishing in America writes letters; it is a slogan written on the backs of first graders in chalk by a gang of sixth graders; it is a pen nib, “with a stroke of cool green trees along the river’s shore, wild flowers and dark fins pressed against the paper”; it moves to Alaska to escape the heat of New York, leaving a forwarding address; it has Maria Callas for a girlfriend; it is its own autopsy as if “it had been Lord Byron and had died in Missolonghi, Greece, and afterward never saw the shores of Idaho again”; it is an item for sale at The Cleveland Wrecking Yard where it is sold by the foot length, “You can buy as little as you want or you can buy all we’ve got left… We’re selling the waterfalls separately of course, and the trees and birds, flowers, grass and ferns we’re also selling extra. The insects we’re giving away free with a minimum purchase of ten feet of stream.”



There are oddly specific similes, many of which are fancifully extended. Dead fish “had been turned white by death, like frost on iron doors. Their eyes were large and stiff.” Some descriptions are gloriously visual. “The streets were white and dry like a collision at a high rate between a cemetery and a truck loaded with sacks of flour.” Others are nonsensical and absurdist for their own sake, such as when mentioning small wooden markers in a graveyard for the poor. “Eventually the seasons would take care of their wooden names like a sleepy short-order cook cracking eggs over a grill next to a railroad station.”


Sometimes Brautigan falls into a simpler writing that comes close to being a studied imitation of Hemingway’s plain style or even a parody of it. When travelling, the narrator gets picked up by a farmer in a truck. “The farmer did not ruin his audition for the Metropolitan Opera by making a sound. He just nodded his head again. The truck started up. He was the original silent old farmer.” He can deflate situations before they even begin. “The garbage was a problem for a little while and then we discovered a way to get rid of it.” And he can include universal transcendent hallucinogenic passages: “You made love standing, sitting, lying on the dirt floor with pigs and chickens around you. The walls, the floor and even the roof of the hut were covered with your sperm and her come.”


The book resembles an LSD trip, as if Lewis Carroll were writing it on acid. There’s clearly a time and place for this sort of this – I’m just not sure it’s here and now.

Friday, 7 June 2024

Friday Five: Show Posters

One of the themes of the play I am directing, Dead Man's Cell Phone, is the way people interract through their phones rather than realistically and so their understanding of each other becomes skewed and depersonalised. In devising a poster to advertise the play, I wanted to spotlight the overload of impersonal information and intimate details and the way in which it is easy to become sucked into this heightened but depleted digital world. I didn't want any recognisable faces or features, other than possibly a hand which could belong to any body. These are my suggestions for what I had in mind.

This is what the publicity department gave me.


I was recently listening to an interview with Ridley Scott in which he said that he strongly disliked the poster for Prometheus, because it actually contains a plot spoiler. He asked for it to be changed, but it remained because apparently the marketing department is more powerful than a director. Well, if they won't listen to Ridley, I can't really expect them to listen to me.

In the meantime, at least the poster is bright and should grab the attention, hopefully drawing people to come and see our wonderful production. And it also goes really well with the colours on a can of Bentspoke Crankshaft.