Friday Five: Cat Memes

Cats make everything better. Whether I am laughing at their antics or drawing comfort from their warm sleeping bodies, they brighten my days and are sometimes the only thing worth looking at on the internet. I am, therefore, unashamedly sharing some of my favourite cat memes.

 

Olympic Stream of Consciousness: Other Water Stuff

Triathlon: Despite the Mayor of Paris swimming in the Seine to prove it is safe, there are grave concerns over the water quality, and the men's triathlon is postponed. In the women's event the French Cassandre Beaugrand wins in front of her home crowd, and they couldn't be more pleased. It's silver for the Canadian Julie Derron, and bronze for Beth Potter from GBR. When the men do compete, it is a thrilling final and a dashing win for Alex Yee (GBR) from Hayden Wilde (NZL) and Leo Bergere (FRA) - plenty to cheer about there, and hope no one picks up any water-bourne nasties.

The mixed triathlon relay is a thrill. There is a strong current in the river for the first leg but Spain's Alberto Gonzalez Garcia gambles on a different line from the rest of the field, which pays off. Yee (GBR) and Wilde (NZL) are both on leg one, but Yee drops his swimming cap in transition and has to go back for it, while Wilde collides with Le Corre (FRA) on the bike and they both go down. Le Corre's chain is off and he loses valuable time replacing it. Yee hits the front of the run - he is fearless, focussed, and very, very fast. He hands over to Georgia Taylor-Brown in first position for leg two, while the French finish last with Emma Lombardi taking their second leg and almost swimming sideways. Lisa Tertsch (GER) goes into the water second and swims on Taylor-Brown's feet for most of the 300m swim before emerging first. Spivey (USA) has a fantastic swim and brings her team into sixth place, and Lombardi is moving her way up through the field.

Georgia-Brown swiftly closes the 7-second gap and rides alone at the front while the chasing group ride together. The German and the Suisse (Deron) continue to work together, and they catch Taylor-Brown on the run, as does Spivey having a blinder. They all hand over to their third leg - Dickinson (GBR) Luhrs (GER) remain in front for the swim and the bike, but Dickinson pulls away on the run and hands over to Beth Potter five seconds before Luhrs tags Laura Lindemann.

Potter comes out of the water in the lead, followed by Lindemann, and Taylor Knibb has pulled up to third for USA. Once again the British athlete goes solo on the ride, while Knibb blasts through the course to take the lead into the transition. Beaugrand arrives a minute later in fourth for France, but it's a lot to make up. Knibb leads the first lap of the run and it all comes down to a painfully close finish as Lindemann makes a final kick for gold and second and third are together on the line. The judges initially give a silver to GBR, but after looking at a photo-finish change that to a bronze and USA take second place. Whew, that's a tight race!

Canoe Slalom: I watch Jessica Fox pick up her gold in the C1 (as the whole of Australia expected, apparently). The Women's Kayak Cross is a crash and bash event with a drop mass start and some malarky underneath a log, where there is a 'roll zone'. The contestants are allowed to touch the posts, but have to get around them - like dodgems in the water. This is the first time the white water event has been included in the Olympic Games and it is utterly bonkers, which bodes well for future outings. It's won by Noemie Fox from Australia - Jess Fox's sister - and Jess jumps into the water with her to celebrate.

There is much affection on the podium as the three medallists (the appropriately-named Angele Hug in second for France and Kimberley Woods in third for Team GB) showcase their sport. In the Men's event, Finn Butcher from New Zealand wins wearing an Otago Highlanders mouthguard, and Joseph Clarke wins silver for Team GB after struggling to get around an upstream gate. Noah Hegge takes third for Germany. It's a new event but we've already caught the bug, assisted by Martin Cross, who is commentating again, this time with an annoying American whom Cross has to keep gently correcting.

I don't watch much of the Canoe Sprint, but I do catch the Women's K2 - or Kayak Double 500m, as it is officially termed. The New Zealand team with a fabulous synchronicity take gold with a commanding 2-second margin victory from Hungary. (There is a photo finish for third between Germany and a second Hungarian team, but they can't be separated so they share the bronze medal.) 

One of the women in the Kiwi boat, Lisa Carrington, wins her seventh Olympic gold medal and goes on to make it eight in the Women's Kayak Single 500m on the final day of racing. Germany win the Men's Kayak Double 500m, and again there is a photo finish for second and third place, between Hungary, Australia and Spain. It is decided that Hungary get silver, Australia take bronze, and Spain finish fourth by 0.09 of a second. Sport can be exhilarating and cruel.

Friday Five: Books Read in August

1. Roseblood by Paul Doherty (Headline) - In 1455 as war approaches, the House of York and Lancaster battle things out with a sick Henry VI on the throne. There is a lot of assumed knowledge about who is on which side before we even get to the multiple turncoats. The plot revolves around a secret diary containing incendiary claims - “A chronicle of scandalous secrets affecting the royal family as well as that of the good duke [York]. It is the work of a former royal physician.” Many people are searching for it, to claim legitimacy or otherwise to the throne. The villain of the piece is LeCorbeil (French for crow, which is depicted on the standard), “LeCorbeil is many things: a town in Normandy, the place of a hideous massacre; the name of a Frenchman who hates the English Crown, and Beaufort in particular; as well as a group of mercenaries skilled in the crossbow.” Besides the death and slaughter, there are many historical descriptions and set pieces, but they are no substitute for strong characterisation, leaving this a difficult novel with which to engage.
2. Gingerbread by Helen Oyeyemi (Picador) - For this magical realism in a dark-fairytale-that-could-easily-cross-to-horror sort of way rather than the twee and sparkly kind, the comparisons with Angela Carter are well deserved. Perdita Lee, a girl who is depressed and may take her own life (and whose name literally means 'lost'), lives with her mother, Harriet, in West London. She has a strange quartet of dolls in her bedroom, who are partly plants (elms, palm trees, crimson petals and living hair), and other furnishings also seem alive. Harriet bakes gingerbread with magical and potentially healing properties, as she tries to ingratiate herself with the PTA. Perdita is in a deep coma: has she taken an overdose, eaten too much gingerbread, or visited Druhástrania? This is a fantasy land where Harriet's best friend, Gretel, lived. Perdita goes to find Gretel and experiences adventures with wells, magic beans and a world of characters that may or may not come from Harriet's past. Gingerbread is an orginal, compelling and disturbing work from a bright British talent.
3. The Songlines by Bruce Chatwin (Picador) - Bruce Chatwin was a journalist for the Sunday Times. He wrote Songlines in 1987 as part of his fascination with travel and nomadic lifestyles. Songlines connect the land and its stories for Indigenous Australians and each tribe has their own way of singing the land to understand its past, present, future and the way it connects us all. The book blends fiction and non-fiction and is part memoir; part travelogue and part anthropology, as a fictional character named Bruce travels to Alice Springs and joins a land surveyor mapping a proposed rail route to Darwin. Although beautifully written with marvellous descriptions, the tone is very much of the time and feels inappropriate now as an 'otherisation' of Indigenous Australian culture and a certain white superiority in trying to describe it: while trying to ascertain the sacred sites which should not be touched by the railway, he climbs Uluru, which he calls Ayers Rock, without apparent irony. It is a bold attempt to explain a culture, but it is an impossible task and problematic at best.
4. The Wife's Secret by Barbara Hannay (Penguin) - While travelling in Townsville, this was recommended to me by a bookseller, due to the fact that Hannay is a local author. I would not have read it otherwise. It's what's known as a 'second-chance romance' as Lisa and Rolf have divorced; he has moved north to be an author, and she has remained in the coastal town to do something-or-other wholesome. When Dave sets up a restaurant, Lisa may find love again, but when Rolf returns with a glamorous actress and young publicist, she may not. This is played out against the background of a cyclone and a community coming together. It's supposed to be feel-good and heartwarming, and according to many reviews on Goodreads, it is.  
5. The Marriage Portrait by Maggie O'Farrell (Tinder Press) - With over 400 pages, this novel takes a long time to say not very much, but it does so with clear images and descriptive prose. Lucrezia di Cosimo de’ Medici d’Este was married to Alfonso II in 1558, aged 13. She died three years later of pulmonary tuberculosis, but almost immediately after her death there were rumours that she had been poisoned on the orders of her husband. Maggie O’Farrell has taken this concept and expounded upon it, with imagined emotions and a twist or two. She makes much of the fact that women had no autonomy and were the chattels of their male relatives, forcing a feminist revisionism into an anachronistic historical period. The portrait, which is a major plot point (and didn’t actually exist) is painted by several different people who specialise in different aspects – one does cloth; one does hands; another the landscape. The supposed twist is obvious, and the ending is unsatisfactory. 

Olympic Stream of Consciousness: Gymnastics

Overall: very impressive. It's possibly a bit of a shock that Simone Biles doesn't win the Women's beam final, but Alice D'Amato from Italy does. Italy also take out third (Yaqin Shou from CHI is second). They sing their national anthem on the podium and it's charming. In the Men's Horizontal Bar final, four of the eight competitors mess up their dismount and three of them fall off. They are really trying complex routines. 

The Croatian bloke, Tin Srbic, lands hard on his elbow but he gets back up and tries to complete the routine, but his arm is now weakened and he falls off again. Again he carries on until he finishes with a great dismount and, according to the commentator, he receives, 'a lot of crowd support directed towards him in a troubled routine'. He finishes last. The Chinese chap (Boheng Zhang) finishes joint third with Chia-Hung Tang (TPE), in what the commentator refers to as a 'redemptive routine' - can commentators just define the meanings of words now? (I'm looking at you, Jim Courier and 'clutch'.) The silver goes to the Colombian, Angel Barajas, competing for the first time in an apparatus final.

I wonder why in the beam and floor exercises the women have to do all sorts of prancing and posing dance elements and the men don't, so I google it. Apparently the man should personify 'strength and power; the woman, on the contrary, beauty and grace'. It elucidates that synchronised swimming and rhythmic gymnastics (introduced in 1984) are the 'glamour events'. I grind my teeth. I still find something deeply disturbing about 16-year-old girls in full make-up gyrating and flashing 'sexy' poses. There'll be pole dancing next at this rate.

Having said that, Rebecca Andrade's (BRA) tumbles and jumps are fantastic to win her the gold in the Women's Floor Exercise, Simone Biles wins silver for the USA, and Anna Barbosu wins bronze for Romania in a routine with haunting music and choreography that links all her moves and difficult combinations together seamlessly. When the crowd clap along (usually out of time) to the music it must be quite hard to hear the beat/ rhythm. The commentators keep saying it's a huge programme, but the athletes can choose to do all the events to go for medals, so it's not like athletics or hockey, for example. Simone Biles (USA) wins the Women's Vault and she has a dazzling smile when she achieves a move. USA also take out the bronze, and Rebecca Andrade collects another medal (silver) for Brazil. 

Friday Five: Dressage Moves

And so to the horse dancing. Of course, it is easy to be dismissive of these things when you know nothing about them, but the more I engaged with the sport, the more I started to understand the harmony between the horse and the rider, and the way they move together through guides and hints. And I love jargon and vocabulary as much as anyone, so it's always fun for me to learn new descriptions. Here are some moves that are on display.

1. Collected Canter - the horse arches his neck and shifts weight to hind quarters to move in a 'showy animated manner'.
2. Extended Trot - the horse shows a clear lengthening of frame and stride while maintaining the quality of the trot across the ground.
3. Flying Change - the horse switches direction and drives with the opposite leg in this movement.

4. Half Pass - the horse moves forward and sideways at the same time.
5. Leg Yield - this is where the horse moves forward and sideways slightly bent and flexed away from the direction in which he is travelling.
6. Passage - very collected trot, elevated and giving the impression of being in place.
7. Piaffe - collected trot on the spot.

8. Pirouette - The horse is turned through 360 degrees - in walk, canter or piaffe - by pivoting aound the inside hind leg.
9. Tempi - An exercise where a sequence of flying changes and canter leads are put together.
10. Travers - the horse is flexed in the direction of travel.
11. Zig Zag - More than two half passes in a row.

And yes, this is just for fun, but may I just suggest that future party guests take note.

Olympic Stream of Consciousness: Track Cycling

Team GB Women's Team Sprint

World records seem to tumble in this discipline, and the first one goes when Katy Marchant, Sophie Capewell and Emma Finucane win gold for GBR in the Women's Team Sprint. (NZL silver, GER bronze). It's a peculiar event, which starts with three cyclists in the team and finishes with one. There is a solid and impressive performance in the Men's Sprint from Australia to beat France for bronze, even if the commentators have no idea what's going on). Then the Netherlands beat Britain for gold (by 0.8 seconds), with yet another world record, possibly due to the slight wobble from Team GB at the start whereas NED display strength, power, and formidable straight lines.

Ethan Hayter slips from his saddle in the Men's Team Pursuit

In the Men's Team Pursuit, Denmark are clearly leading Italy (whose team includes time trial machine and silver medalist at the Games, Filippo Ganna) but they fall apart and can't stick together as a three in the final lap and Italy take bronze. In the final, GBR and AUS change lead almost every lap and both are down to three riders at 2500m. On the final lap, Ethan Hayter for GBR slips in his saddle and nearly loses control of his bike, not sure if this is a technical issue or rider error (due to his power he has ridden an extra half-lap turn at the front and this may have been too much for the lad). Either way, AUS take the gold - their first on the track since Anna Meares famously beat Victoria Pendleton in 2012. 

Fourth consecutive Olympic medal in the Women's Team Pursuit for Team GB

In the Women's Team Pursuit bronze medal race, GBR start poorly - they are messy and not together, potentially missing their training mate, Katie Archibald, who suffered a freak accident a short while back when she tripped on a garden step and dislocated her ankle, broke her tibula and fibula and tore ligaments from the bone. Gardening is dangerous, kids! Italy are in the lead until the last one and a half laps, and GBR pull back four seconds in the last kilometre to take bronze (their coach, Cameron Meyer, tells them they are on schedule when they are actually 0.6 seconds behind in an example of headology.). The quartet of Elinor Barker, Josie Knight, Anna Morris and Jess Roberts ensure that GBR have reached the podium every time since this event was introduced to the Olympics in 2012.

Kristen Faulkner wins her second gold in two different disciplines

In the gold medal race, USA are way ahead of NZL for most of the race; they blow apart briefly but come back together to win gold. One of their team members, Kristen Faulkner, who also won gold in the Women's Road Race, becomes the first American woman to win titles in two different disciplines at the same Olympics,  and only the third overall. (At the Sydney 2000 Olympics, Leontien Ziljaard-van Moorsel of the Netherlands won the individual pursuit on the track before adding the road race and time trial titles, while Ester Ledecka (CZE) won Alpine Skiing and Snowboarding golds at Pyeonchang in 2018.) Faulkner had only been due to race in the velodrome in Paris, but was entered into the road race just weeks before the Games to replace team-mate Taylor Knibb, who chose to focus on the time trial and triathlon. 

Neah Evans gets back on her bike after this crash and finishes the race

The last event I watch is the Women's Omnium - the elimination is fun but bokers; if a rider takes you out, they are disqualified or penalised, but you don't get any extra points. It's utterly frantic and the commentators spend most of the time trying to explain what's happening and regularly failing. The event is won by Jennifer Valente (USA), with Daria Pikulik (POL) second, and Amy Wollaston (NZL) third.

Olympic Stream of Consciousness: Athletics

Athletics - The track is purple. It's much-discussed but I like it; it is apparently a nod to the lavender fields just outside Paris and why not? 

At the beginning of each day's events, someone comes out and bangs a stick three times. Apparently it is at the start of every event (for example, Billie Jean King did the honours for the tennis at Roland Garos), but I have only noticed it at the athletics so far. The stick is called a brigadier and it is banged three times - 'les trois coups' - to call for silence and bring the crowd to attention.

It has been introduced to these Games, but it's a tradition that has been used in French performances for years. Some scholars say les trois coups harkens back to France's first professional theatre, during the Middle Ages, when it was said to evoke religious symbolism - the three blows representing the Holy Trinity. Paul Gousset, a former technical director of the Royal Opera of Versailles, has explained the use of the three blows before a stage play "as signalling a final check that all was in readiness to begin the production." That series of blows was meant to communicate, not to the audience but to the backstage crew: "The head technicians above the stage, below it and on the opposite side to the brigadier, would each give a single blow to show that their area was ready to proceed."

A brigadier may be the one who commands a military brigade, but, according to Gousset, "does not a stage manager lead his theatre brigade?" Either way, this iteration is meant to bring France's passion for theatre together with sport and to tell the crowd they are about to witness something great. Sport is drama: I've always said so.

Femke Bol is outstanding in the final of the Mixed 4 x 400m, taking her team from fourth to first in the home finish, with USA in silver and GBR in bronze. In the Women's 100m final Julien Alfred wins St Lucia's first ever Olympic gold medal in the pouring rain and she is justifiably elated. The USA are second and third (GBR is fourth) and there are some ridiculous nails on display. 

100m runners are such posers - they primp and pose as they are announced onto the track, and then they are made to stand around and wait for ages. In the Men's 100m all of the athletes finish under 10 seconds without wind assistance (for the first time) with first and second (Noah Lyles USA and Kishane Thompson JAM) both recording a time of 9.79 seconds. 

A brilliant run with a solid finish from Keely Hodgkinson secures the gold medal for GBR in the Women's 800m (ETH silver, KEN bronze). In the Women's 5000m there is much bustling, grabbing, tripping and jostling between Gudaf Tsegay (ETH) and Faith Kipyegon (KEN). Beatrice Chebet (KEN) stays out of it and comes through to finish with gold. Kipyegon is initially disqualified, but then reinstated to claim silver, and Sifan Hassan (NED) takes bronze. Siffan Hassan later wins the women's marathon. 

For the Men's 1500m final they are made to come out at the bend and then jog down the 100m to the start - aren't they already doing enough? Jakob Ingetbrigsten (NOR) is covered in doodles as though he has rolled in something and forgotten to wash it off. Josh Kerr is smiling on the start line and, despite the blistering pace right from the start, he's still smiling at the finish when he gets second to Cole Hocker (USA). Hocker is boxed in a bit but he drives through to the finish, which is a cue for the American commentators to be even more annoying as Yared Nuguse (USA) gets third as well and they prattle on 'Way to go - we are proud of you" as if they had anything to do with it. 

In the Women's Steeplechase final a bloke walks past the start line with a green post-it note - I have no idea what that's about. Peruth Chemutai (UGA) has a very odd hurdling style which looks more like a side box jump than a hurdle in which she jumps with both feet at the same time, but it works for her as she gets silver; although she seems disappointed by the result, it is a new national record. Alice Finot in fourth sets a new European record, and a national record also goes to Elizabeth Bird for GBR in seventh position. Winfred Yavi (BRN) takes gold (Faith Cherotic, KEN is third) and goes to ring the bell to celebrate but has barely enough strength left to make it sound. 

In the Men's, Soufiane El Bakkali (MAR) defends his Tokyo Olympic Championship to take gold, Kenneth Rooks (USA) shows grit and determination with an unexpected push to take silver and Abraham Kibiwat (KEN) is the third-placed finisher. There is an horrific incident when Lamecha Girma (ETH), the world record holder, hits the third-to-last barrier and cracks his head - he is stretchered off, and thankfully, we later learn that he recovers consciousness and suffers no lasting effects. The Women's 200m is close: Gabriel Thomas (USA) wins it, Julien Alfred (LCA) gets a silver to add to her gold for the 100m, and then there are four athletes in a photo-finish for bronze: Brittany Brown (USA), who takes it; Dina Asher-Smith (GBR); Daryll Neita (USA); Favour Ofili (NGR) - they are given time differences of 0.04 of a second.

In the Men's 400m, Matthew Hudson-Smith (GBR) is so focussed on his own line that he doesn't see Quincey Hall (USA) stealing it on the line. It is a fantastic race with super-fast times and intriguingly different styles (Muzala Samukonga ZAM got bronze) from the super fluid movement of Hudson-Smith to the grimacing flailing-limb action of Hall - it's not pretty but you do whatever works, so I believe. And finally, I leave you with Canada; their medal haul may be their second best ever (after the boycotted 1984 Summer Olympics), but they definitely have the worst strip in the stadium.