I know we all know that Eurovision is all about the staging and the politics and the personalities and the drinking games, but let's imagine just for a moment that it is actually a song competition and purely about the songs themselves. In that vein, I listened to them all without pictures (moving or otherwise), or without knowing which country they were representing, and this is my honest commentary on what I heard (in the order in which they appear on the official Eurovision Song Contest 2026 playlist).
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| Viva Moldova! |
- Dara - Bangaranga: I don't think they're referring to sexual relations with ginger-haired folk; it's got house beats, changes in tempo and a female-Prodigy energy.
- Felicia - My System: Kylie Minogue meets The Pet Shop Boys in this disco rave beats banger. Sample lyric: "You're in my head, my heart, my body parts; I can't get you out of my system."
- Soren Torpegaard Lund - For Vi Gar Hjem: The pretty, boring ballad with the obvious chord progression, which will probably live rent free in the head.
- Linda Lampenius, Pete Parkkonen - Leikinheitin: It's way too busy, but I like the violins.
- Antigone - Jalla: More dancing and exhortation to hear the beat of the drum, shake your hips, dance on the table and get lost in the rhythm (or something like that). There's a smattering of ethnic styling and I imagine up-tempo belly dancing.
- Sarah Engels - Fire: Is this Cyprus trying to be Destiny's Child complete with the earthy growl/ grunt ting and lyrics such as 'Boy, I'm out of your league.' There will doubtless be accompanying hair flicking and gratuitous crotch flashing.
- Alexandra Capitanescu - Choke Me: Are you f*^king kidding me? It's probably supposed to be empowering and dark emo and all that, with a touch of Shakespeare's Sister-lite odd trills and screams, but the sub-dom lyrics are deeply unpleasant. 'All I need is your love. I want you to choke me.'
- Satoshi - Viva, Moldova!: They clearly don't want to win the competition with this song - they haven't even got the budget for lyrics or tune. With ethnic instruments and unmelodic chanting, this had better have fun staging.
- Akylas - Ferto: I'd dance to this down the clerb. Did he mention rally cars? It's got limited lyrics, but it feels pretty inclusive. I hope they have a gimmicky dance.
- Jonas Lovv - Ya Ya Ya: It's got guts, broken bones (lyrically speaking) and an Arctic Monkeys/ White Stripes vibe, so I really like it but it won't get to the final. I'm also terrible at predicting these things so it may go on and win this thing. Or neither.
- Sal da Vinci - Per sempre si: Sounds like a 1980s-style holiday music; there's probably one of those awful choreographed YMCA-type dances associated with it.
- Monroe - Regarde!: This is outstandingly Fench hitting soaring operatic vocal highs and completing the gamut down to the spoken word. One could say Le chanson va partous.
- Veronica Fusaro - Alice: I really like this Amy Winehouse-style offering.
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| Eclipse by Delta Goodrem |
- Delta Goodrem - Eclipse: Obviously I know this is the Australian entry because I live here, and not under a rock. It's a strong commercial Euro-pop ballad with simple chords, mentions of astronomical love and those shouty vocals they seem to favour, plus she has an international profile since her Neighbours days, so it is perhaps in with a chance, although I question the lyric, 'We've only just begun'. I would say, it's been 11 years, Australia; you've had your fun; time to give it a rest now.
- Cosmo - Tanzschein: This fills the dull dance number slot.
- Noam Bettan - Michelle: Ma Belle it is not, although the heartfelt sincerity is almost unbearable. Apparently this is Israel's representative so the crowd will hate it but it will mysteriously get lots of votes.
- Lelek - Andromeda: Great vocal harmonies create a wall of sound combining traditional ethno and modern pop.
- Essyla - Dancing on the Ice: Has Justin Trousersnake got a sister, because that's what this sounds like.
- Eva Marija - Mother Nature: I could have sworn that was Regina Spektor. It's quite clever with an appealing arrangement including some violin string plucking. They sing in English and sound pretty cute, so I'm guessing this is Luxembourg.
- Bzikebi - On Replay: Typical bland boring Euro fare.
- Tamara Zivkovic - Nova Zora: Military opera with a Euro beat and a voice changer. My printer was making weird noises, or was it the song?
- Alis - Nan: A touch military and builds with good backing vocals but a fairly pedestrian lead and arrangement.
- Vanilla Ninja - Too Epic to Be True: This is quite charming with an innocent Kim Wilde feel (I know a few folk who'd like that...); a disco/pop number with a fun spoken word section.
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| Look Mum, No Computer |
- Look Mum No Computer - Eins, Zwei, Drei: If I didn't already know this was the U.K., the piss-taking posturing nihilism and novelty-song elements with the post-modern refrain, "I'm s bored with it; what's the point of it?" No one will appreciate this disrespectful take on the contest.
- Aidan - Bella: The highlight is the soaring James Bond-esque opening, and then there are some powerful strings but it descends into weak plinky plonky nonsense.
- Simon - Palmoa Rumba: This is the hardcore club sound that leads to a great light show and no votes.
- Senhit - Superstar: Not bad but not distinctive; a general disco dance tune.
- Daniel Zizka - Crossroad: A bloke just shouting and wailing isn't music. I blame The Voice.
- Alicja - Pray: An interesting mix of genres with some gospel energy and then some hip-hop rap.
- Lavina - Kraj mene: The gloomy death metal number with dark sounds and screams. I like it, whihc I believe is the kiss of death.
- Leleka - Ridnym: This is the sort of breathy tune I would expect from musical theatre, so it's fine if you like that sort of thing. I don't. A note on the high pitch squealing: just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
- Lion Ceccah - Solo Quiero Mas: This one is the Euro filler; time to put the kettle on.
- Atvara - Ena: This means something to someone; it seems incredibly earnest with sudden spikes and heaps of emotion. I like the piano and the backing vocals.
- Bandidos do Cante - Rosa: It's quite bad when it strats out a cappella, and then the ethnic strings join in and it gets even worse. This might have done quite well in 1976. I think we've moved on. I hope we have, anyway.
- Jiva - Just Go: Imagine I Will Survive at half tempo. You're strong, well done, we get it, get off.
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| Alicja |
