Friday Five: Aussie Vision Song Contest

 
The Eurovision Song Contest is phenomenally popular in Australia. I know, really! This may be surprising for a festival of kitsch in which tiny fragmented Eastern European nations try to wrest some significance from the Western heavyweights, hosted by truly appalling presenters who give mannequins a bad name. For the channel that televises both of the semi finals and the grand final (SBS) it is their biggest event, attracting 420,000 viewers. Many of these people host parties, at which they generally play the Eurovision Drinking Game – there you go; that’s the appeal.

There are drinks to be drunk for such things as people wearing all-white ensembles, removing items of clothing, playing an accordion or an instrument that you can’t identify, wearing a cape, dramatic key change, and singing in a language that you assumed to be foreign but that turns out to be English. So, here we go then (in alphabetical order)...



Shout to the top - or actually fifth

Albania – Suus (Finalist)
The scary Medusa-haired woman yells at the audience, until they are petrified into letting her through to the next round.

Austria – Woki Mit Deim Popo
The band is called Trackshittaz; they live up to their name. Their brand of tacky hip/hop with lecherous sexism and lime green scantily clad pole dancers to distract from the awfulness of the song, is apparently known as tractor party gangster rap – one to avoid on this evidence.

Azerbaijan – When the Music Dies (Automatic Finalist)
We’ll know who to blame, Sabin Babayeva. Looking like a swan in a white feather dress she sings, ‘You’re cold, cold, cold’ and just a little flat. It’s probably very rude to insult the host, so let’s stop there, shall we?



Loving the microphone technique

Belarus – We Are the Heroes
Are you indeed, Litesound? True, you do win the award for the best Dr Seuss-inspired microphone stands. And I can imagine this being played at second-rate fairgrounds all over the land. They sport statement haircuts (Gorillaz in the shitz?), bend over backwards with their choreography, and take chain metal tank top fashion to a whole new level. I actually quite like it; it seems I am in the minority.

Belgium – Would You
No, I wouldn’t. A young girl with the unlikely name of Iris sings a song about any guy will do, while dressed like a lampshade.

Bosnia Herzegovina – Korake Ti Znam (Finalist)
A woman (Maya Sar) stands in a single spotlight at a piano. She manages to look very intense and meaningful in a glittery shoulder pad-heavy outfit while being blasted by a wind machine, which is no mean feat and the only reason I can assume she gets through to the final as the song itself is a pile of poo.

Incidentally, SBS has an insightful interview with Melanie from Germany, who operates the wind machine and has done so for the past seven years. She’s a dab hand now; they have ways of making you talk alright, although not always sing...

Bulgaria – Love Unlimited
Sofi Marinova appears to be a Grace Jones look-i-like-i who can sing as well. She may have worn a leather sofa and boots to match, but I can imagine clubbing to this – maybe without the pyrotechnic Catherine Wheels. Lots of native language with the final tag ‘I love you so much’ thrown in to win over the audience – it works for me, but I’m a sucker.

Croatia – Nebo
I quite like this effort from Nina Badrić during which her backing vocalists/dancers appear to be struggling to fold a sheet – bless them. She’s a bit like the Woman in Black – by the time you’ve seen her, it’s too late!

Cyprus – La La Love (Finalist)
Ivi Adamou mimics Beyoncé doing techno. Sample lyric: ‘Feel the energy/ Between you and me’ suits the Two Unlimited or Venga Boys ethos.


La la la Lift!

Denmark – Should Have Known Better (Finalist) She should certainly have known better than to wear that outfit, consisting of a dodgy military tunic and cap. Sample lyric: ‘Should have known better, now I miss you like Sahara misses rain’. There is clearly a talent-drought in Denmark.

Estonia – Kuula (Finalist)
Some bloke who wants to be Eastern Europe’s answer to Ronan Keating (Ott Lepland) stands in a spotlight and belts out a ballad with many a key change and emotional holler. It’s a refreshing change from all the gaudy glitz and jerking about. I haven’t a clue what he’s singing but he sounds pretty good.

Finland – När Jag Blundar
The home of air guitar brings us a very dull song in which a woman dressed in a flowing green curtain sings something while a bloke plays a cello in a desultory fashion.



Vive La France!

France – Echo (You and I) (Automatic Finalist)
Anggun, Queen of the Dancefloor, gives the impression that she doesn’t really give a toss, but then she is French, so who can tell? She is buffeted by the wind machine as she flings out the odd word in English and male acrobats cavort around her – no one’s listening to the song anyway.

Georgia – I’m a Joker
You can say that again – actually, please don’t; once is enough. There is a lot of effort made with Gregorian monks in red habits, Russian folk music backing, a circus performer swinging around by her hair and some random tune thumped out on a white baby grand piano. Singer Anri Jokhadze seems to have lost a glove and the overall effect is extremely messy – á la Rocky Horrible.

Germany – Standing Still (Automatic Finalist)
The casual, cute, young, beanie-clad Marti Pellow imitator may be proof to the cynics that only three of the competing nations – Azerbaijan, Russia and Sweden – actively want to win the competition and have to host the incredibly expensive 2013 final during a Eurozone depression.

Greece – Aphrodisiac (Finalist)
A gorgeous lead singer (somewhat improbably called Eleftheria Eleftheriou) with great legs shows them off to advantage with some Greek dancing (probably to differentiate it from the very similar Cypriot entry). She’s a cross between a diminutive mermaid and Botticelli’s Venus rising from the clam shell. Sample lyric: ‘You make me dance, dance like a maniac/ You make me want your aphrodisiac.’


Greece goes manic

Hungary – Sound of Our Hearts (Finalist) In this electronic ballad with a message about following your dreams, the Sherriff of Nottingham meets Depeche Mode. It’s all angst and The Matrix apart from the smiley bloke at the back, who ruins the staunch image somewhat.

Iceland – Never Forget (Finalist)
A surprisingly decent duet, probably better-suited to musical theatre – maybe Chess?



Jedward hold fast against the wind machine

Ireland – Waterline (Finalist)
 Jedward dressed as knights in shining armour, give it cartwheels and out-of-synch robotic dancing. Hyperactive and erratic like a faulty wind-up toy, they finish up with a cold shower, which is probably just as well.

Israel – Time
Israel, Nooooo! This is like a cross between something out of The Fast Show and Borat complete with dodgy permed hair and a drunken woman who looks like Amy Winehouse’s mum.

Italy – Lamore E Femmina (Automatic Finalist)
Clearly a professional performance from Italy’s answer to Gwen Stefani; even walking in those heels is impressive.

Latvia – Beautiful Song
Despite the songstress Anmare and her dodgy back-up not-quite-sober bridesmaids’ claim that this is a beautiful song, the audience and judges seem to disagree.

Lithuania – Love is Blind (Finalist)
But unfortunately not deaf. Donny Montell begins his routine wearing a sparkly blindfold which he whips off halfway through – DRINK!!! – while cramming every possible cliché into his song.

Lithuania play pin the tail on the donkey

F.Y.R. Macedonia – Crno I Belo (Finalist)

A power ballad with a hint of Forever Young from a woman called Kaliopi in a black trouser suit with some screaming, some quiet moments, and a violin and guitar break. FYI, I learned that F.Y.R. stands for Former Yugoslav Republic – who says it’s not instructional?

Malta – This is the Night (Finalist)

Despite the rubbish female drummer (even I could mime hitting something in time better than that) I like this uptempo dance number. Lyrics such as, ‘This is the night I’ve been waiting for. This is the night I’ll be back for more, singing hey, eh, eh, eh, ye eh hey, eh, eh’ are offset with a little bit of acrobatics and some shonky dance moves.

Moldova – Lautar (Finalist)
The theatrical dancing and outfits remind me of Outkast or Panic at the Disco with a lead singer looking like Ed Norton. The fact that he wants to win a girl with his trumpet is not a euphemism apparently. It’s like a fun circus act or puppet show and I like it – it’s my third favourite.


Bring it on, Moldova!

Montenegro – Euro Neuro
The audience is highly perplexed by this offering from Rambo Amadeus, in which he looks like no one’s favourite drunken uncle.


A cry for help from The Netherlands

Netherlands – You and Me
Joan Franka sounds a wee bit like Dolores O’Riordan from The Cranberries but she looks nothing like her. In fact, against a background of camp fires and wearing an American Indian headdress she looks more like she is auditioning as the new lead singer for Dexys Midnight Runners.

Norway – Stay (Finalist)
After an acrobatic start, lead singer Tooji brings the sexy back in a techno romp with distracting dancing that looks as though a bloke has joined the Spice Girls. This song comes last in the competition, although I really didn’t think it was as bad as all that.


Tooji brings the sexy back for Norway

Portugal – Vida Manha
Filipa Sousa wears an ill-fitting gold lame sheath but despite this and the multiple key changes, it is still a very dull effort. Down with the Euro, you’re going down with the Euro, etc.

Romania – Zaleilah (Finalist)
May win an award for comedy instruments, including a very odd-looking set of bagpipes. The lead singer sits sideways on a drum and smiles when it’s hit – she sure gets her good vibrations. The men all wear white (Drink), she sort of wears a scrap of flimsy red material, and they all do a spot of pogo-dancing, which seems to be perennially popular. Sample lyric: ‘Everybody, everybody’.

Russia – Party for Everybody (Finalist)
Buranovskiye Babushki comprise six old women (there are actually eight of them – but the rules state that only six are allowed on stage), one of whom is 77. They will definitely win the cute factor and back it up with the curious prop of a rotating oven – it appears to be on fire at one point but provides a tray of baked mini pies as audience bribes. I bet this is number one in Britain with a rave party beat over the sample lyric, ‘Everybody dance/ Come on and dance’. It’s my second favourite.


Dance, grandma, dance!

San Marino – The Social Network Song (Oh Oh – Uh – Oh Oh)

Valentina Monetta is working the whole Abba/ Madonna look in her song about on-line dating. Sample lyric: “Do you want to make love with me? Am I really your cup of tea?” Perhaps she should have sung in her own language as she is unlikely to get through to the final with an overtly sexual song – and she doesn’t.

Serbia – Nije Ljubav Stvar (Finalist)

The wistful nationalistic number features a soulful male singer with tortured eyes (and vocals) supported by violins, drums and a wooden instrument no one can name, which means drinking points if nothing else.

Slovakia – Don’t Close Your Eyes

The band claim to be influenced by Whitesnake and the music is quite speed metal, although the vocals are more soft rock. Singer Max Jason Mai sports a bare torso and black leather but he has lovely clean hair. The audience are perplexed.

Slovenia – Verjamem
Dressing as virginal nuns in see-through dresses isn’t enough to help this all female Phantom of the Opera number go through to the finals.

Spain – Qudate Conmigo (Automatic Finalist)
The Statue of Liberty rang; she wants her dress back. And Evita wouldn’t mind her song when you’ve finished with it, either.

Sweden – Euphoria (Finalist)
The pre-competition favourite has a slightly Goth element, although singer Loreen sounds more like a cross between Julianne Regan (All About Eve) and Amy Lee (Evanescence). I’m not impressed by the barefoot moon-walking or the Kate-Bush-escapes-from-a-lunatic-asylum schtick. The snow globe effect (that’s really overworking the wind machine!) and the failed attempt at yodelling don’t do it for me either, although the gratuitous male dancer perks things up a bit. What do I know; this is the clear winner on the night according to the countries’ democratic voting process.


Loreen is given an airing

Switzerland – Unbreakable They sing a song about following your wildest dreams and claim to have been influenced by U2, although they are not nearly so dull or pretentious.

Turkey – Love Me Back (Finalist)
Good intro, followed by a song which actually delivers on the initial promise. Can Bonomo are a likely bunch of excessively-eyelinered jaunty nautical types with a heap of sailor motifs and whirling cape action to augment their sea shanty. The Turkish Sid Snot lead sings such sample lyrics as, ‘Don’t you ever sink my ship and sail away’ in a Fiddler on the Roof style. Okay then, it floats my boat and is, in fact, my favourite song of the contest.

Ahoy there, me Turkish hearties!

UK – Love Will Set You Free (Automatic Finalist)
It’s different. By about thirty years. A surprisingly sharp texter points out that he is older than 22 of the countries represented at the competition. One question: Englebert Humperdink; why? This ballroom dancing dirge finishes second last (thank God for nul-point Norway). Actually, here’s another question: did anyone think it would be otherwise?

Ukraine – Be My Guest (Finalist)
Gaitana pulls out all the stops in this derivative dance anthem about welcoming visitors to her country: moving panels and visual effects, a rented flashmob, a shower curtain and cap outfit, lashings of trumpet, tempo changes and chest beating all aim for Mardi Gras entertainment value. It’s still crap.



I couldn't walk a minute in Nina's shoes!

 Five Favourite Eurovision Songs:

1. Turkey - Love Me Back, Can Bonomo
2. Russia - Party for Everybody, Buranovskiye Babushki
3. Moldova - Lautar, Pasha Parfeny
4. Italy - L'Amore È Femmina (Out Of Love), Nina Zilli
5. Malta - This is the Night, Kurt Calleja

And, for what it's worth, the winners were:

1. Sweden - Euphoria, Loreen
2. Russia - Party for Everybody, Buranovskiye Babushki
3. Serbia - Nije Ljubav Stvar, Željko Joksimović
4. Azerbaijan - When the Music Dies, Sabina Babayeva
5. Albania - Suus, Rona Nishliu

My Newest Favourite Thing: Fabergé Eggs

I love the little Google designs, don't you? They point out all sorts of fascinatingly irrelevant information. For example, I would never have known that today was the 166th birthday (do you still get birthdays when you're dead?) of Peter Carl Fabergé.

Those eggs used to fascinate me - they still do. I love eggs, as I believe I have mentioned previously, because the shape is just perfect. I used to collect marble, laquered and wood versions, but couldn't quite stretch to those beautifully jewelled varieties.

Tsar Alexander III commissioned the House of Fabergé to make an Easter egg for his wife the Empress Maria. The tradition continued and from 1887 Carl Fabergé was given complete freedom with regard to design, which then become more and more elaborate. The only stipulation was that each one should contain a surprise. I would guess that a plastic crocodile wouldn't cut it - take that, Kinder!

After the death of Alexander III, Nicholas II had one made each Easter for both his wife and mother. The tradition continued until the October Revolution, and 50 eggs were made, of which 42 have survived. The House of Fabergé made other eggs too, but these ones are known as the Imperial Eggs and I'm sure are worth a very pretty penny.

Last Week's Thing

Once again; the main stories that were making the news last week in my view.

9. The aptly named Ryder Hesjedal became Canada's first grand tour winner as he snatched victory from Joaquim Rodríguez on a dramatic final stage of the Giro d'Italia. Rodríguez, the Katusha rider who wore the race leader's maglia rosa for 10 days, took the considerable consolation of winning the points classification by a point from Mark Cavendish.

8. Chelsea won the Champions League Final over Bayern Munich on penalties. It was an exciting game and now they've got a pretty stunning double (having won the FA Cup as well) and I don't begrudge it all - even though they beat Liverpool in the final. Florent Malouda finally let get of the trophy to allow Chelsea to parade it down the Kings Road.
 

7. It's tough being Queen. To celebrate 60 years of the job, poor old Elizabeth had to go to Burnley. She took a barge trip down the canal with Prince Philip and Prince Charles, visited the Weavers area (rejuvenated through the work of Prince Charles' charity) and was 'entertained' at Turf Moor. Obviously she didn't have to watch an actual game (that would be stretching the definition of entertainment a bit too much), but she did have lunch there - Hollands pies perhaps? Apparently Prince Charles is already a Burnley fan, so Him Outdoors now reckons that the mighty clarets are by Royal Appointment.
 

6. State of Origin is a rugby league thing between New South Wales (the Blues) and Queensland (the Maroons). It is a hotly contested title, fought (oops, I mean played) over three games - best of three wins. In the first game, we had it all: biffo; dubious tries; captains whinging that referees don't listen to them (so that's not just a Kiwi thing then...); sinbins and hanbags. Oh, an in case you care, Queensland beat New South Wales 18-10.
 

5. Aftershocks are still shaking Northern Italy after the 6.0 earthquake that hit last Sunday leaving seven people dead, dozens injured, and thousands homeless. Hundreds of buildings have been destroyed across the historic and prosperous Emilia Romagna region, and the parmesan production (which contributes two billion Euros annually to Italy’s economy) has been badly damaged – Italian government has declared a state of emergency.
 

4. 108 people have been killed in the most recent massacre in Syria. In the town of Houla according to a United Nations statement the offensive "involved a series of government artillery and tank shellings on a residential neighbourhood" and the Security Council has condemned the action "in the strongest possible terms". Syrian foreign ministry spokesman Jihad al-Makdissi insisted that it was not the government and is blaming terrorists for the attack. The rebel Free Syrian Army (FSA) warned that unless the international community took concrete action it would no longer be bound by Annan's UN-backed peace plan and his April 12 ceasefire which has been violated daily. Adviors to the UN warn that civil war is imminent.

3. Schapelle Corby has had her prison sentence for drug smuggling reduced by another five years, so she is due for release in September 2017. At 34 years old, she has already served eight years of the term and appealed for clemency due to suffering from mental depression in prison. Indonesian law imposes harsh penalties on drug traffickers (she is convicted of trying to smuggle 4.1kg of marijuana into Bali in a bodyboard bag) and it can carry the death penalty. Apparently some people in Indonesia are outraged that she has been given clemency because she is a Westerner. Tensions abound when politicians and lawmakers draw comparisons between terrorism and drug smuggling.

 

2. Robin Gibb died aged 62. One of the members of the Bee Gees he was a voice of a decade and, with his brothers in the band, received a CBE in 2004 for contribution to music. It may not be my music, but Saturday Night Fever is certainly memorable. As are the hairdos and outfits.

 

1. Sweden won the Eurovision Song Contest with a song that sounded like Kate Bush trying to escape from an asylum. The wind machine was so overworked that it produced snow, and the angry little moth was happy, apparently. The song is called Euphoria. The entry from the UK sung by Englebert Humperdinck came second last with a total of twelve points, barely above Euro whipping boys Norway (of nul points fame). I liked the Russian Baboushki who came second and were clearly the audience favourite. This is a big deal in Austrailia, apparently. People have parties and play elaborate drinking games - I will blog about this further.
 

Friday Five: Top Musicals

Some of my friends are currently performing in the Showbiz Queenstown production of The Sound of Music. Of course, I wish them all the very best and I'm sure they will be having a fabulous season (people seem to love this musical!) but I had to leave the country to avoid watching it. Honestly, for me it is the worst musical ever - it's so outrageously saccharine and features singing children.

When I tried to explain to Him Outdoors why I disliked it so much, I mentioned My Favourite Things, The Lonely Goatherd, Do-Re-Mi, So Long Farewell, Sixteen Going on Seventeen, Edelweiss, Climb Ev'ry Mountain, and, of course, the vomit-inducing title song. He was in total agreement, in fact I had him at My Favourite Things. I was forced to watch it once when a dear friend of mine played the part of Maria - you were excellent Pipi - but, never again.

It may be the legacy of Julie Andrews - I love Julie Andrews (and Mary Poppins is excellent, although I was disappointed that the stage musical removes some of the social history elements to make it more sentimental and less political). Perhaps that is part of the problem - no one can be her, but everyone tries, because there is so little room for interpretation. 

Anyway, it got me thinking about my favourite musicals. I'm just considering the stage stuff here. So while I love Some Like It Hot, Moulin Rouge and the film version of The Wizard of Oz (although I saw it on stage in Stratford and was very disappointed) I'm not going to count them. Maybe I'll do musical films another time? The film of West Side Story is so good that no stage version I've seen can compete.

And some date. Recently I watched Carousel for the first time, wanting to see how You'll Never Walk Alone fits in, and was disgusted by the inherent sexism. Sample dialogue: 'I loved my wife'; 'Then why did you beat her?' 'I didn't beat her, I just hit her' - well, that's alright then! While the story-line was appalling, the dancing in the big numbers such as June is Busting Out All Over is excellent.

Often one song or one scene can steal the show. The opening chords of Phantom of the Opera send shivers down my spine. The set and staging of The Lion King brought a lump to my throat when I saw it in the West End. Watching my friend in purple tights in The Producers made me howl with laughter (sorry, Matt), and the production of Showboat that I saw in Oamaru is probably the best amateur musical I've ever seen.

Other musicals can be made by the people you saw performing in them. A great Che makes a fabulous Evita; a bad Enjolras ruins Les Miserables. I have a soft spot for Jesus Christ Superstar as it was the first musical I ever performed in. I know everyone feels affection for shows in which they have performed (with the possible exception of Rush!), so I am going to include only shows that I've seen rather than been in.

5 Favourite Musicals:

1. My Fair Lady - I think this is the first musical I ever saw. I loved it. I wanted to act and sing and dance and entertain. I came home and I really could have danced all night. It's sublime. And when I saw it at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane in 2002, there was no less magic.
2. Oh, What a Lovely War! - a musical with a message: the changing mood of this has stuck with me for ever, and proves that musicals don't just have to be light and fluffly
3. Me and My Girl - musicals can be light and fluffy. This is such fun - a sensational spectacle
4. Cats - musicals don't have to have a point. All singing, all dancing felines with T.S. Elliot's words and Andrew Lloyd Webber's music - cat-tastic!
5. Chicago - I took my parents to see this in the West End in 2001. The cast (including Denise Van Outen as Roxie Hart and Alison Moyet as Mama), the staging, the music and the dancing were all fabulous. I can see what all the fuss is about.

Okay, so now tell me yours. And I am fully expecting Bad Fairy to reply with Oklahoma!

Books Read in February 2012

The following are short reviews of the books that I read in February 2012. The marks I have given them in the brackets are out of five.

The Postmistress – Sarah Blake (3.2)
There are some things about The Postmistress that don’t make sense. Iris James runs the post office in Franklin, a small Cape Cod village, where she insists there is no such thing as a postmistress; it is a gender-neutral position. So why is the novel called the postmistress? Is it because it is marketed to women? Is it to draw attention to the fact that women in office were still unusual? Or is it to suggest an illicit relationship between the post and the woman who delivers it? Whatever the reason, it is meant to deliver a talking point for book groups – one of many.

The setting is 1940 and the spectre of war looms large (it’s the sort of novel that warrants such clichés in review), although many Americans question whether they need to intervene with Europe’s problems. Frankie Bard is an attractive female reporter from Greenwich Village, with a decidedly male name and a distinctively feminine outlook. She attempts to get the situation across to the listeners in the United States to sway their emotions and their decisions. Hopefully her dispatches are less hyperbolic than the purple prose.

Iris is among her listeners, as is Emma Fitch, young pregnant wife of Will, the town doctor. Will Fitch has gone to London to try and do some good while assuaging his conscience. In a highly implausible plot point, he meets Frankie in a bomb shelter, and Emma hears the report of the devastation without realising her personal involvement. Will gives Frankie a letter for Emma that she cannot deliver; an act which assumes major significance due to the war. Not since Romeo and Juliet has an undelivered letter caused such consternation.

Frankie tries to wrest some of the importance to herself, detracting from the great events unfolding on the world stage. She claims, “Some stories don’t get told. Some stories you hold on to. To stand and watch and hold it in your arms was not cowardice. To look straight ahead at the beast and feel its breath on your flanks and not to turn – one could carry the world that way.” But the story is told, and this is the fundamental philosophical paradox: we are meant to feel for her because she doesn’t divulge her secret, but if it really were secret, we wouldn’t know or be able to feel it.

The author writes in the ‘story behind the story’ that the central question of the novel is ‘How do you bear (in both senses of the word) the news?’ It is increasingly common for the author to attempt to direct our thoughts. When Frankie’s boss tells her the difference between reporting and recording, he suggests, “You need a frame. People need to know where to look. They need us to point.” This gives the reader very little to do and so this reader practically gave up.

Books Burn Badly – Manuel Rivas (3.8)
I know people will love this book and liken it to work by Salman Rushdie and Garcia Marquez among others, and level charges of magical realism and colourful history at it, but it just didn’t enthral me, despite the gorgeous cover. Perhaps it is because there are too many characters, or it jumps around in chronological order so much, or the persistent overuse of personal pronouns (who is he this time?).

The premise of the novel is the well-documented fact that, during the Spanish Civil War, the Falangists burned books at the Coruña Docks on 19th August 1936. Books were stolen and removed from burning piles, then buried or hunted down and all are highly valued. Words, sentences and books become prized objects in a land of uncertainty.

A prisoner learns Braille so that he can read at night. A harpooner “practised the art of saying ugly words in foreign languages for them to sound a little distinguished.” A woman realises she must welcome words into her relationship with a man “man lived in a state of extreme alert with language.” Can the beauty of language mitigate the malice of action? “What would you think of someone who recites beautiful poems and sings melancholy songs before committing a crime? Does this affect the poems they recite and the songs they sing?” Such is the existentialist nature of the novel that questions like this arise frequently.

The language is, indeed even in translation, remarkably seductive, and it is easy to forget the factious fighting and allow the perfect prose to wash over you. Although frequently dealing in the abstract, it is the details that baffle. The novel and the characters maintain their distance; there is probably a way into this intricate novel but I failed to find it.

There are people who draw pictures of “women with things on their heads”; there are people who claim that “In this country, history always spoils everything”; there is a prophet who is excellent at predicting the past; there are also those whose recollections bear little resemblance to reality. These people may or may not be the same person. It is difficult to fathom how they relate to each other, if at all, due to the previously mentioned excess of personal pronouns.

And through it all, there are books and words and stories. A man who listens to radio stations in foreign languages claims that, “Words sound wonderful when you can’t understand them.” That may be, but when you can’t understand novels, they are merely frustrating.

Quote for Today

"It is an essential principle of art that the universal can be spoken about only in terms of the particular" - Nicholas Reid, Sunday Star Times



In the Particular Lies the Universal by James Victoire



Last Week's Thing

Here are the main stories that were making the news last week:

6. The Wiggles are disbanding – well, three of them are leaving and being replaced by new versions – one is even a woman! The Blue Wiggle (Anthony Field) is already the highest-paid entertainer in Australia, and now he is the only remaining original Wiggle. According to the outpourings of emotion in the press, mums across the continent are devastated.

5. Michael Clarke (Australian cricket captain) married Kyly Boldy (model with spelling issues). He was the one who left a cricketing tour a couple of years ago to dump former girlfriend Lara Bingle (her of the Australian Tourism Board’s ‘where the bloody hell are you?’ campaign). They wed in a ‘private ceremony’ that they didn’t disclose to the media and tweeted pictures on Twitter. Celebrity gossips admired the ‘brave move’ because apparently women’s magazines would have paid approximately $100,000 for exclusive rights to the ceremony. The Canberra Times had this to say: “Both husband, 31, and wife, 30, have websites listing their key statistics. He has played 83 Tests, scoring 6,097 runs at an average of 48.78. She has a 34B bust and brown-green eyes.” Thus proving yet again that while men are respected for their achievements, women are merely judged on their looks.

4. At the Australian International Beer Awards, Hop Hog Pale Ale from Feral Brewery was awarded the best international pale ale prize. Feral Brewery also won the trophy for Champion Large Australian Brewery.This year there were a record 1,344 brews entered from 41 countries, an increase of 10% on last year’s entries. The trophy for Champion Small Australian Brewery went to The Wig and Pen Brewery and Tavern, right here in Canberra. We have already been to it a few times in the fortnight we’ve been here – Him Outdoors refers to it as an oasis.

3. Donna Summer died. I’m not a huge disco fan, but I do admire her music and think I Feel Love and Love to Love You, Baby are great hits. Through accident rather than design, she is also connected to my Queenstown theatrical experiences. I acted in Hot Stuff by Christina Stachurski, to which of course, that was the theme tune, and set the bows to one of my first directorial outings, Night Cleaners by Angie Farrow to her She Works Hard for the Money. She does indeed.

2. Manchester City won the Premier League in the 94th minute of the final day of the season – how exciting is that? And as if it weren’t good enough to see the blue Mancunians over the moon, the tears of the (red) clowns were even more satisfying. As the banners proudly claimed, ‘Manchester: the City is ours!’

1. King Kenny was sacked as manager of the mighty Liverpool FC. I am still in shock, and haven’t yet come to terms with my thoughts over this decision. I’m sure I’ll share them with you at some point.