Frighteningly good football



I don't usually blog about football teams other than the Mighty Reds, but, unable to sleep last night, I got up and watched Man Utd v Arsenal. What a game that was. It didn't help much with my insomnia.

The first thing I notice is that the Arsenal back four isn't working effectively, or in fact, at all. Their away strip makes them look like Wycombe Wanderers, which probably doesn't help, and Jenkinson is having an absolute nightmare; fouling left, right and centre, and arguing with his own team mates Walcott and Djourou on separate occasions. When he is sent off for a second bookable offense in the second half it is no surprise to anyone. The only novelty is a rare Rooney miss from the resulting free kick just outside the box.

A solid goal from Welbeck is followed swiftly by a saved penalty from Van Persie (doing wonders for De Gea's slim confidence) and a brilliant goal from Ashley Young. When Welbeck pulls up with a hamstring injury about five minutes later, I almost find myself feeling sorry for him. Are these boys warming up, properly, I ask myself (alarmed at how maternal I sound - fortunately there is only the cat to hear me).

Rooney's free kick is obvious to everyone (well, the commentators and me, anyway) and after touching it to Young to stop it dead, he slots it neatly into the top left corner. I've seen him do this before and am amazed that the Arse didn't defend better, or at all (what was that wall doing?). I'm even more amazed when he repeats the exact same thing in the second half with an unsurprisngly equal result. The commentator refers to the 'effervescent Man Utd side' and points out that Rooney is now the ninth highest Man Utd scorer - Giggs is eighth apparently.

Rosicky and Walcott combine for a goal in first half stoppage time, but it's also a defensive error. Later the commentator notes, "No one's bothering too much with their defending", which is a bit like saying "No one's watching the tactical manoeuvres at the beach volleyball". Statistics show that there are more shots on target from Arsenal in the first half and the possession is 51:49% which goes to prove that statistics are bollocks and Fun Boy 3 were right - It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it.

3-1 at half-time and Wenger isn't looking happy. I predict things will get worse for him and his side, but the Old Trafford crowd singing, "You're getting sacked in the morning" is a bit harsh. As is, "You're sh&t and you've won f#$k all." And, "Going down, going down, going down." At the beginning of the second half, the Arse fans are singing 'We're gonna win 4-3" - bless them. Stranger things have happened, but not many.



A text book copy of the Rooney free kick (as previously mentioned), a lob from Nani and a blast from Park (who has only been on the pitch for about a minute) and it's 6-1. Rooney off the post is half an inch away from a hat-trick, and then a bit of pin-ball wizardry in the Man Utd goal mouth leads to a goal for Van Persie. At 6-2 he doesn't celebrate as wildly as he might, but the Arse fans are still chanting "We love you Arsenal" - I notice Wenger isn't joining in.

When Walcott brings down Hernandez and a penalty is awarded, Rooney does indeed get his hat-trick. "Hat-trick hero in seventh heaven" spouts the commentator thinking he is a headline writer for the News of the World without realising that it no longer exists and that Ashley Young's perfectly placed second goal (and the best of the night) is about to take the score to 8-2.

And that's how it finally ends. The comparisons with the Busby Babes may be a bit premature, but no one (not even me, and believe me, I would if I could) can argue with the quality of Man Utd's strike-force today. I have to say I am impressed with the Arse fans who remain in the stands to applaud their team as they trudge desultorily off the pitch. I am very happy with Liverpool's win over Bolton and the fact that we are looking pretty good. But I can't deny that Man Utd are looking brilliant. So I make myself a Horlicks and go back to bed.

Playing Dress-Ups

The Weevil took her children to see a production of Pinocchio at the Gryphon Theatre the other day. They loved it, especially as they got to meet the actors afterwards; the Blue Fairy was a big hit by all accounts. There are photos on the wall of the theatre of previous productions and they spotted me in one of the pictures. 'Is that Aunty Katy playing dress ups?' the youngest one asked, apparently. And yes, I suppose it is.

I am currently rehearsing for Secret Bridesmaids' Business (which is due to open on Thursday 1st September at the Athenaeum Hall in Arrowtown), in which I get to play a character completely unlike myself. Lucy Dean is 'earthy, impetuous, direct.' She is 'tall, striking', and one hell of a trouble-maker. She never censors herself, is impossible to embarrass, and is 'not scared to say things that people don't want to hear'.

I am a Libran who is almost incapable of making a decision. I hate conflict and am terrified of hurting people's feelings. Can you imagine how liberating it is to portray the exact opposite? There are many reasons that actors act. This is one of them. You can slip into different characters and try them on for size just like a new outfit. It's a lot of fun, and can be a thrilling experience. I think you just have to make sure you don't take it too far, however, which is why I am not a fan of method acting.

When the lights go down and the audience leaves, you have to remember who you are underneath the temporary wardrobe. Acting (in the words of the great Sir Ian McKellen) is pretending. Imagination is powerful, and children instinctively know that. Maybe I have just never really grown up, but I still love playing dress ups and hope I always will.

Bisy Backson

This is the reason I've not been a particularly prolific poster over the past couple of weeks. I have been rehearsing hard for The Remarkable Theatre production of Secret Bridesmaids' Business. It's an intelligent play full of real relationships and awkward questions that you don't want to ask in case you get an answer you don't want to hear. It's funny and smart and tinged with emotion throughout.

If you are in the area, I thoroughly recommend you get yourselves down to the Athenaeum Hall in Arrowtown in a couple of weeks and enjoy a great night out! (Poster designed by Emma Newell of An Eye for Design)

Beervana 2011: Part Two

Now that's what I call real ale

Ta-Iti (Peak Brewery, 4%) - Now, that's a real ale! Low-carbonated hand-pulled tastiness.


Stu-dious drinking

Best Bitter (Cassels & Sons Brewing, 4.3%) - Surprisingly grassy and lemony for a bitter - if this were a wine it would be sauvignon, and it's not that far off as a beer, either. The tasting notes include the words 'gooseberry' and 'zesty', which isn't really what I'm after in a beer.

Hop Hog (Feral Brewing, 5.8%) - An American IPA that boasts a look of golden oranges and a smell of citrus pine needles. This tastes a lot better than it sounds and makes a refreshing drop. It's a quirky little Festival number - a short story in a glass.

Fat Yak (Matilda Bay Brewing Company, 4.7%) - Another American Pale Ale made in Australia, resulting in a malty fruity mix. I could taste cinammon and cloves but in more of an apple pie than a wheat beer sort of a way.

More random comments from discerning drinkers - "I'm impressed with the Australian beers; they seem to be smoother and more subtle - not a word I usually associate with Australians"; "Extremely bitter on the tongue and into the aftertaste, drowns out any other flavours" (Dusty Gringo, Deep Creek, 6.8%); "Drink more water!"; "Seriously, try the Boris - this is my third; it's brilliant!" (Boris, Feral Brewing, 11.5%)


Pretending we know what we're talking about



It's got a good nose, apparently

The Crown Prince (Ad Lib Brewing Co, 5%) - spiced pumpkin ale. Interesting. It really is bright orange, but it's got a delicate flavour, and is sweet and dry with lots of body. This is a fabulously intriguing beer of contradictions - a surprising favourite of the night.

South Island Pale Ale (Golden Eagle Brewery, 5.5%) - hoppy and malty, darker than the others and quite bitter. I would like to drink more of this, but have never see it anywhere.

Black Emperor (Golden Ticket Brewing, 4.6%) - I decided to move to the dark side but didn't want anything too strong just yet so thought this scharzbier would be a good choice. And I was right - bitter and black with very little sweetness - probably not for everybody but I enjoyed it.

Bennett's Classic Black (Bennett's Beers, 5%) - I've had this before but I knew I liked it - like a cold alcoholic coffee. I was trying to get some of the Garage Project's Manuka Dark, but there wasn't any, and the person behind the Wellington bar was short on advice and information.


Welcome to the dark side!

 iStout (8-Wired, 10%) - Imperial Stout that is creamy tasting without being actually creamy. It is black and tasty; those long imperial nights must just fly by with chocolate, malt, coffee and this.

Random comment update - "I am most impressed by the Aussies - I have to drag myself away from their stall"; "Good. Mmmm. Very good." (Old House ESB, Townshend Brewing Company, 5.3%); "Very deep, dark, smooth chocolate taste, recommended by J.C." (Doppelbock, Sprig & Fern, 8%); "A bit of liquorice - like a muddy puddle but without the grit" (Festivus 2011, 8-Wired, 7%); "Bugger, they've run out of Boris. What shall I do now?" (Boris, Feral Brewing, 11.5%)

RSB (The Emerson Brewing Company Limited, 5.2%) - An amber, fruity bitter. This is definitely a session beer, with a strong berry flavour, like a fruity cough medicine or a strawberry chupa chup.

 Black Bruge (Sprig & Fern, 5.4%) - created as a festive brew, I'd like to try this again. It was drinkable and I thought it tasted a bit like cake with a warm spicy flavour - more cakes and ale, please. I think I may have had too many other similar, because I found the taste didn;t stand out as much as it might.

 Black Op (The Emerson Brewing Company Limited, 8%) - Nice and tasty, piney and lovely. I enjoyed this very much - a wonderful end to a perfect evening.

mike's Imperial Porter (mike's Organic Brewery, 8%) - ooh, I liked this. It was full of yummy black goodness. Another one that I would drink again. That probably doesn't narrow it down too much, does it?


The Two Marks - like The Two Ronnies, but different

It's hard to compare different styles, and obviously there was a lot of the dark stuff - which I happen to like. I wasn't exactly conducting a scientific experiment or anything, but my top three would have to be Black Op, iStout, The Crown Prince, Ta-Iti, Fat Yak. Oops. That's five, isn't it? Oh well, it was a big night!

Beervana 2011: Part One



Gathering on the Westpac Stadium concourse

As we entered the Westpac Stadium, Weevil was asked to show ID and then given a red bracelet to wear. She thought it might be so she could go down the hydroslide, but was told it was so she wouldn't get asked again. Being as she's over twice the legal drinking age, she thought it unlikely she would be, so refused to wear the bracelet. Him Outdoors thought it was very amusing - I was not so amused, as no one asked me!

We exchanged our hard-earned cash for beer tokens - I like this concept. The tokens looked like play money we had as kids and indeed, we had fun with them as adults. Our wrist-bands confirmed that we were 'licensed to drink responsibly' and so we did. The glasses held 200ml and the tastings were approx half a glass so there was enough to gauge the flavour without getting smashed. Although you could have full glasses if you wished, I stuck to the tasting size all night so I could sample as many as possible.

The atmosphere in the concourse of the stadium isn't exactly convivial and doesn't lend itself to a relaxed evening of drinking and talking. Many people were wandering about looking for somewhere to sit and the lack of cloakroom facilities was annoying - it's very hard to take notes (let alone photographs) while standing up and clutching a bag and coat.



Stu Yeastie proudly displaying his wares

I wasn't particularly impressed with the layout either. Although you could occasionally spot a brewer if you knew whom to look for, brewers weren't necessarily serving the beer so you couldn't ask them about their products as you have been able to in previous years. The pump handles didn't display the breweries' emblems but just had hand-written signs so it was difficult to tell what was available - some beers were 'saved' for later in the session due to a limited number of pumps.

The beers were divided by region, so one bar sold 'The North' while others were 'Central', 'Top of the South', 'Canterbury', or 'Southern'. The Australians were out in force and Wellington had its own bar selling Bennett's, Garage Project (although none was on at the session I attended), Tuatara, and Yeastie Boys, amongst others. There were 'style bars' such as a real ale bar, a cider bar, and one for festive brews - the theme of this year was 'let's go... Black', which apparently "pays homage to a certain sporting event taking over New Zealand this year."


The Southern boys and girls look thrilled to be here

Mash-Up (NZ Craft Beer TV, 6%) - I have heard a lot about this beer through a pretty astute advertising campaign. It's an interesting experiment, blending elements from 44 craft breweries around the country to create a 'sample' NZ beer of the moment. They say you can't please all of the people all of the time, and I don't know who is pleased with this, but it isn't me. I found it to be a bit dry, a bit hoppy, slightly citrusy and a touch too fizzy; neither one thing nor the other. Although this was only my first beer of the night, I knew it wouldn't be my favourite. Keep it in the lab.


Him Outdoors appears to be enjoying something

Cock and Bull Common Beer (Steam Brewing Company, 4.5%) - I liked the name. Honestly, with a list of over 200 beers to choose from, it's a bit like picking a horse. I liked the beer too, which is clearly a bonus. It was a golden coppery session-style brew. The tasting notes suggested you'd be able to smell mint. 'What a load of bollocks' I thought, but I stand corrected. I definitely got a whiff of minty goodness - perhaps the first breath-freshening beer? It was like a Goldilocks beer - not too bitter; not too sweet; just right.

Minimus (Hallertau, 3.7%) - a breakfast pale ale, apparently, and why not? I've heard of people putting champagne on their cornflakes; why not a dry, bitter, hoppy drop to kickstart you with your porridge? Okay, time to move on from the Goldilocks theme...

Manuka Magic (Naturale, 4.6%) - I thought I would try something different (the tasting notes proclaimed this was 'unique, adventurous, delicious'). I noted that it was floral and inoffensive. Unfortunately, while trying to juggle my coat, notebook and wallet, I spilt half of it all over the floor (hence the earlier gripe), but didn't like it enough at first sip to need to return for more.


Some of the random commentators. And I mean random.

Random comments from fellow drinkers - "It's a bit rough at the end but it went straight down my spine" (Porter Noir, Hallertau, 6.6%); "It's a bit heavy, but it's not wee heavy" (Tuatara XI, 10.5%); "Have you tried the Boris? It's bonkers!" (Boris, Feral Brewing, 11.5%) "Isn't that Fabio Capello?" (No)



Some bloke who isn't Fabio Capello

Look-i-like-i: John Sargeant/ Jo Brand

I don't want to be mean (and saying a woman looks like a bloke is never kind) but I really do see a similarity between these two. It's in the nose and the wry, sarcastic, intelligent and self deprecating expression in the eyes. And the pursed lips - both the political commentator and the social comedienne always look as though they find something terribly funny but are not sure they should share the joke in case they get into trouble.


John Sargeant



Jo Brand





A night in with the boys

The boys have released another couple of dark horses from the stable, so we purchased a few from the shop (Wanaka Fine Wines) and had a little tasting session of our own.

We began with Hud-a-wa' Strong, named after a tough Scottish ancestor, apparently. It pours a rich amber colour and looks like one of the 'ales' you get in the local pub, but it tastes a lot better. The hoppy character and the tart citrus flavours are balanced by a malty warmth that matches the caramel hue - almost with a hint of butterscotch. It's sweeter than I usually like, but ultimately refreshing and satisfying.

Pot Kettle Black is actually one of my favourite New Zealand beers, and once again, it didn't disappoint. This smoky, smooth, licorice and dark chocolate flavoured drop with a dry hop finish is utterly delicious. Like a treacle toffee that doesn't stick your jaws together, it would be perfect for bonfire night, or a winter night by the fire when it's snowing outside. Who am I trying to kid; it's practically perfect any time at all.

And then in the weird and wonderful world of beer, there is Rex Attitude. The boys should be commended on an excellent experiment. I am an unashamed smokehead (as I believe lovers of the Islay malts are called) so I was as keen as anyone (if not keener - just call me Colonel Mustard) to try this one out. It's made with 'heavily-peated distilling malt' - apparently Stu Yeastie was told that 5% was probably the most he could use and still make this beer palatable. So he went with 100%, and, guess what; it's still palatable. Intriguing and frankly quite startling, but palatable. And certainly memorable.

'On the nose' (if I may be permitted to use such a term), I get TCP - very heavily. This would be a drawback if the smell didn't immediately take me back to my childhood. Smoky/peaty whiskies and dry hops also evoke pleasant memories so we are in luck. I imagine that if this were aged it could change in taste so I suppose I will just have to keep trying it and happily creating new memories. Although at 7% I suspect they may remain vague. I also fear that the overwhelming punch of this beer may prevent me from tasting anything else for a while. But I am prepared to face that fear and drink it anyway.

We'll be up at Beervana in Wellington this weekend. Hope to see you there?