I read recently of a bloke who said that if anyone ever saw him drinking a can of Miller Lite, they should know that he had been kidnapped and it was a desperate signal for help. Why else would anyone ever drink that stuff?
This reminded me of a devilishly clever plot in one of the Famous Five novels where George is kidnapped and forced to write a letter to her friends to persuade them that they shouldn't worry about her. She signs the letter 'Georgina', so they instantly deduce that all is far from well, and they spring into action to rescue her - I can't remember the rest of it but secret passages and fabulous picnics were bound to have been involved.
Which made me wonder how, in such a situation, I would frantically try to draw attention to my predicament without alerting my kidnappers. If you see my exhibiting any of these behaviours, it is a secret signal and I expect you seek assistance immediately.
5 ways you will know I am signalling for help:
- I have got a tattoo
- I say of a football match, 'it's only a game'
- I interchange adjectives and adverbs with willful disregard for the complexities of the English language
- I express an affection for country music or prog rock
- I am wearing Ugg boots or visible underwear in public